Plan B is appealing!

Nguyễn Trãi (Vietnamese Confucian scholar - 1380-1442) says: “Always adjust the speed of your scooter to the font size of your phone!”

July 22nd:

When we first traveled with the tent on a big trip in the north of Scotland in 2018, we were met by the weather god with quite immense force and one of the strongest summer storms in decades. We were forced to change our travel plans and turn our backs on the coast to wait out the worst days inland before moving on!

At that time, we found this quite suboptimal as we are always planning ahead and leave little to chance…

And this time, it shows that strict planning of a vacation can sometimes have its downsides. Typhoon Wipha is known to be approaching, thoroughly shaking up our travel plans.

There’s no changing it, and the complaints of the male part of the travel group, who has already scheduled all excursions, hotels, and transfers like the travel agency of a rheumatism blanket army heading to Bernkastel-Kues, ultimately achieve nothing.

Instead, it turns out that Plan B can sometimes truly have its advantages (which I can’t necessarily claim as a Schalke fan in recent years), we find a true paradise an hour north of Hanoi in Sôc Son. A driver organized by the hotel picks us up in Hanoi at 11 a.m. and drops us off an hour later right in the green in a dream hotel. Normally, we aren’t hotel-goers, but here even the campers make an exception and check into a room with a private mini-pool as a balcony and almost 360-degree panoramic views over the hillside property, which is overflowing with palm trees and conifers. We are absolutely thrilled, throw our things into the room, and jump into the deserted pool. Except for one family with an older son, we don’t encounter any other guests. However, we do come across a multitude of staff who visibly stand around with nothing to do. Everything feels a bit miscalculated. Although we are also in the off-season. In high season, the hotel is reportedly quite full and is sometimes booked for weddings. We can truly imagine that with the garden landscape.

After an extensive massage for the entire travel group, we head to the hotel’s restaurant to end the day, where we manage to get something to eat just before kitchen closing and spend the evening playing cards.

Plan B, we like you!

July 23rd:

What can one really write when one does nothing but jump between the pool, hot tub, bed, and couch?! Exactly…nothing!

The day is as relaxed as possible, and aside from a walk to a nearby café and some sports for our conscience and Ida’s training plan, the highlights are the same as the day before…

—> THIS was planned and typed out of laziness the night before. However, the day turns out to be much more varied than expected, which is why it also deserves to be written down ;-)

After a fantastic breakfast with scrambled eggs, good coffee, and fresh bread (it's amazing how quickly you miss that), we spontaneously walk to a local museum (“Thành Chương's Viet Palace”) that we spotted yesterday while passing by. This museum has been collecting Vietnamese art, sculptures, and even entire houses and pagodas since 2001 by a local artist and antique collector, resulting in what is increasingly resembling a small village full of uniqueness. Among the items are clay pots and vases dating back to the 1st century. We would have loved to capture these things photographically, but unfortunately, all every exhibit lacks any form of labeling! Nevertheless, this place is truly fascinating and, although rather randomly mixed, conveys a mystical and very traditional character and shows how people lived here several hundred years ago—and probably still do in parts today!

What makes this excursion particularly enjoyable is the fact that we can wander through the houses and temples completely alone and are only “disturbed” when the security guard brings us three umbrellas! Super attentive and kind, because not two minutes later, a heavy downpour soaks us.

After the cultural part, we’re heading to a café near the hotel. We try to orient ourselves a bit using Google reviews to determine if a visit to a chosen establishment is worthwhile. In more touristy areas (e.g., Hanoi or Ninh Binh), we also use Instagram or YouTube for this, but here, hardly any tourists seem to venture.

To reach the café, one only needs to survive 450 meters of main road and two intersections, as there is no sidewalk. Why should there be when even small children ride scooters...

Defying the humidity of at least 110%...we stand in front of a locked gate. The café and the campsite are closed. Google has lied to us for the first time. A bit frustrated, we turn around when a scooter turns the corner (who would have thought) and opens the gates. We ask if they are opening the café and if card payment is possible. We only have the equivalent of €1.70 left. Vietnam is cheap, but not THAT cheap.

She nods twice, which suggests that both questions have been answered with “Yes.” A bit confused, we look at each other and search for hidden cameras in the trees that could have announced our arrival. Because is it really a coincidence that she shows up exactly at the end of a dirt path when we want to enter this café?

We gladly follow her into a kind of glass container, where she non-verbally taps the menu to ask us what we want. The only problem is that we can’t find an English version. She looks at us (not for the last time during our visit) with big Dobby-like eyes expectantly, while we look back, confused and overwhelmed. So, we pull out our phones and translate each word individually. Good at least that coffee is called Ca Phe in Vietnamese. So, after some research and translation, we order two coconut Ca Phe and a lime lemonade, which taste really good, and delve into a bit of local history by discussing the Vietnam War (not with the silent waitress, although she appeared from the trees like a Vietcong). Although it’s not really suitable for children, we find it necessary to understand the country a little better. Additionally, it turns out that Ida is quite interested, which makes the topic easier.

Eventually, however, enough is enough, and we want to pay. We owe 205,000 Dong (€6.70), but all the kind lady hands us is a QR code. Even after multiple scans and repeated queries on Google, which has no idea what to search for, we see the Dobby eyes again. It seems she didn’t really understand us when opening the gate because card payment is only possible with a Vietnamese payment app, a Vietnamese bank account, and linked online banking! It was to be assumed that we all have those three pillars of the Vietnamese banking system on our smartphones…not!

Even after calling her supervisor, who discusses the numerous options with Lena (“Cash or Card”), we are still left with a €6.70 debt.

We can only return to the hotel to withdraw cash. As a precaution, I leave Lena and Ida as collateral and set off. Ten meters behind the gate, it starts to rain again, no, it pours from the sky. Now I know how the poor corner flag in the Waldstadion felt in 2005 during the Confederations Cup final...

With a soaked linen shirt and pants, I look like a member of Caught in the Act while they cheer in front of the camera for their video of “Love is everywhere.” Only the lip gloss is missing...

“We have umbrellas,” the hotel receptionist smiles at me completely neutrally and without malice, but with plenty of pity, as I enter and sweat like I just ran a 10km race despite the rain. I smile back and say, “now it doesn’t matter; it will be dry for at least the next half-hour, and I’m already wet as you can see” (of course in the best Sita Gupta-English G2000-English)

With significantly more money than 205,000 Dong, I leave the hotel again, only to find myself in another waterfall ten meters later. I imagine all the hotel staff temporarily stopping their nonexistent work to laugh at me from afar. However, I doubt their culture allows that.

Whatever, I pay off the lady and child against the due amount so that we (and presumably the waitress too) can leave and close the café and campground.

Once back at the hotel, it’s straight into the pool again. We haven’t been wet for a long time, and a bit of sports is on the agenda anyway and is carried out without complaint.

After that, we trust Google Maps again and find a small food stall 500 meters down the life-threatening main road that is supposed to be open!

The lady at the reception (and five other staff members) recommend another very authentic restaurant, but that is too far away with a 45-minute walk.

Overly friendly, they provide us with three umbrellas...

On our way to the food stall, we are observed with great fascination by everyone on the roadside, as they apparently don’t see tourists or idiots often who don’t own a scooter and walk.

Unfortunately, the food stall is also closed, and this time, no noble scooter lady stops to save us!

Instead, three garages further down the road, we settle for a frustrating ice cream that has not only a peculiar taste but also a gummy-like texture.

Fortunately, a taxi stops next to us unexpectedly, and the driver is more than happy to pick up three confused bread-eating foreigners. We give in and let ourselves be taken to the recommended restaurant for 50,000 Dong (about €1.60).

This place is at least open, so we are directly taken to a table and receive a menu to choose from.

Unfortunately, again not in English! Ordering Ca Phe and recognizing it on the menu is still somewhat manageable, but here both our brains and the technology are completely overwhelmed. Moreover, the waitress really doesn’t speak or understand a single word of English and surprisingly denies the existence of every food we inquire about through the translation app. “Dumplings,” “Spring rolls,” “Pho Ga,” “Pho Bo,”…”Rice”???

None of that!

We point confusedly and exasperatedly at the menu, and shortly thereafter receive a cold and a warm beer, a kind of Gatorade (“Lime-Juice”) for Ida, a dish with Mi noodles, carrots, beans, and shitake mushrooms that taste quite good except for the mushrooms, and a plate of fried rice with pickled cabbage (not good) and beef on top! So much for there being no rice...

Twenty minutes later, a tray with a large bowl of plain rice, broth, and a whole chicken looking at us, all cut up on a bed of lemongrass, arrives. Yes, it is looking at us because its head and neck were probably grilled for orientation during consumption and plated! When we supposedly ordered this amidst the interlingual chaos, no one will be able to tell us that evening.

Nice, so we focus on the plain rice. Because the chicken tastes bland, tough, and similarly rubbery as the garage ice cream before.

Full, at least, but also a bit frustrated, we pay (THAT suddenly goes smoothly...) and summon a cab (Hehe…)

Unfortunately, too early laughed, because the first undertaker, umm driver has a flat four kilometers away and asks us for help! Exciting, we think! Apparently, he hasn’t quite grasped the concept of “taxi” yet!

The second one doesn’t respond to our request, and mentally we’re already walking the dark way home since the smartphone battery is nearly dead after the day-long attempt at translating the entire dictionary from Vietnamese into German and would no longer offer us much light!

Then, of course, a honking taxi finally stops. At least the driver quickly turns on a sign in the windshield that indicates this! We knowingly inform him that the ride is quite affordable at 50,000 Dong, aiming for our hotel as a destination. He thinks for a moment, as if he has to do some math, although he knows he can easily raise the fare and says 100,000 Dong! For nearly the same distance as on the way there. Is he crazy?

I manage to restrain myself and do not raise my middle finger (…to the forehead), but instead show him a five like a hockey referee, which he acknowledges with a pained smile and nods.

He probably didn’t expect a new sheriff in town! “Pew Pew, Maddaf***”

Back at the hotel, the day which turned out to be way more eventful than expected ends with a bath in the balcony pool before we head to bed.

Tomorrow, the next transfer is on, and after breakfast, we’re heading over Hanoi to Cat Ba!

We will report back