Full day at Aow Yai Beach (Long Beach)

Today was a full day at Long Beach. My stubborn child wanted to go there, I think she isn't feeling well. I wonder who she inherited that from!? We started with breakfast at Chai Chai where she ordered a shake containing everything under the sun… I would never have been able to drink that. The walk turned out to be tough for her in the heat. It was nice to have a relaxed day, but we ended up spending a bit too many hours in the sun. We found a nice spot along the beach during the walk. Comfy inflatable beanbags for me and a good shake while my daughter struggled to drink soda water. We ended up having an early dinner and evening. We had pleasant company in the form of three dogs patiently waiting for our leftovers throughout dinner.

There has been a lot of thinking between reading a book and resting. I still can't understand how seven magical weeks could turn into a hell mixed with so much cold and heat. It's so crazy how X ruined my Christmas gift on the 30th to apologize for everything and say that he would take a step back for two weeks. New Year's started off so wonderfully. Sure, he clearly came affected, but I didn't say more than the comment about how much was left in the wine bottle. Such a cozy evening, and when we cooked dinner, I expressed that I couldn't even understand how we could argue and couldn't figure out what about. After midnight, it started after I had made a wrong statement. I apologized immediately and didn't argue back about anything. Yet it started, and it was only at seven that we fell asleep after I apologized for another thing I hadn't done, and we made up. We fell asleep in each other's arms, but as soon as we woke up, it started again.

I heard how stupid and dumb I was and responded that it was quite mean to say. Then they wanted to discuss how I was unkind for saying he was unkind, and I had to apologize for that, but received no apology from his side. When I apologize, he says 'received one hundred percent' but continues without even a point to discuss how unkind I am without realizing it. 'Imagine if I were to say everything I thought, like you're fat and have ugly breasts.' He took that personally because he had before like Beyonce sings 'you showed your ass and I say the real you' made me feel safe in my body issues. I asked what I had said that was so mean, but there wasn't anything specific, just 'you know yourself, are you so stupid you don't remember, I don't know because you have confused me' etc. Eventually, it came, 'you said I have a small dick and that you would get so damn fucked by the police.' I was completely shocked… I lay there for an hour trying to figure it out but gave up and apologized for that as well. The evening ended with me sleeping over at his place for the first time, and the New Year chaos concluded with a sense of safety and three lovely evenings until his daughter is back home and I am no longer welcome with him.

I am not only writing to vent in the healing process but also reading a lot to understand. At first, I just wanted to help and heal him, but painfully I realize that it is most likely a mission impossible, so now I'm working with I'm possible, as it said at the breakfast place… maybe not verbatim, but you understand…

A comment to a post about a book It’s not even about a place to live. They need supply (a person) to attack (basically bully) They cannot be alone or they will go into a narcissistic collapse. Everything about them is sick.

They might 'fall in love' but they certainly don't love; they're incapable of loving anyone but themselves.