Rollercoaster of emotions!

The night was quite loud, and I woke up frequently. I realized that I was seemingly staying in a very popular nightlife district (Sachsenhausen) in Frankfurt. Yet, it was somewhat nice to experience this colorful hustle and bustle and to drift off to sleep amidst this 'sea of voices.' The bed was very comfortable. I feel at home here and somewhat sheltered. A feeling I long for. In the morning, I was pleasantly surprised by a small, fine, vegan breakfast and a friendly staff member who provided me with reassurance. I sat on a small chair with a side table – a breakfast experience like no other. Magazines and many fashion books were scattered everywhere. A unique atmosphere. Among other things, I discover the AnOther Magazine (about Fashion & Culture), which played a significant role while I was working on my Bachelor’s thesis. Memories from that demanding time resurface within me. I always find it amazing how many small and valuable things one can find in the often hectic daily life when one consciously keeps one's eyes open. I really enjoy looking for these things, as they remind me of what is truly important.

*

The first messages in our WhatsApp group arrive, and I notice that I am getting stressed inside, worrying whether I have set off too late for the airport. So, I take the tram towards Konstablerwache. There, I change to the train to Wiesbaden. Panic rises within me because many subway and train lines converge in this area, and I am uncertain whether I am on the right track and where I need to go. After a while, I find my platform and have to wait a few minutes. I really don't like waiting right now. Doubts start to creep in. What if I can't make it? What do I do if I miss my flight? I find it hard to rein in my inner critic. Around eleven o'clock, I finally arrive at the airport. Even though I've been here several times, it's a different feeling to be traveling alone. I register in a different way just how big everything is here. I feel warm and sweaty. I was able to check in online the day before, so now I just need to drop off my suitcase. Luckily, there were many Lufthansa staff members who helped with the self-drop-off. That went smoothly. I then proceed to security control. Here, I was extremely lucky, as I got through quite quickly. My passport was checked again, and I was on my way to Gate 18. There were many conveyor belts and elevators. I internally question whether I am indeed in the right place. I feel a bit of relief as I notice that, in the end, everything falls into place time-wise. I make a quick call to my mom and my stepdad. The conversation gives me strength and ‘reorients’ me.

*

And then it’s time. The first meeting with the group and many bright faces greet me as I enter the waiting area, and within me, relief, gratitude, and curiosity surface. Boarding is not far off, and I chat a bit with a pleasant couple from Frankfurt. Then we take a bus to the plane. What I feel as I board is hard to describe. We're seated on our LH518 flight (by the way, we're all flying from here) in different spots. A young, very nice student sits next to me, and we start chatting a bit during the flight. Overall, the flight was nice and relatively calm, though quite long. I think we were traveling for about 12.5 hours. I was very excited during takeoff. My first long-haul flight, no, I correct myself, my first flight alone, period. This fact made me quite emotional inside. My husband would always be there before, holding my hand. This time it’s the armrest of my seat. I tell myself internally, I can do this; I trust everything will be alright. The flight time passes relatively quickly for me. I am engrossed in the second part of the novel by Susanne Abel, ‘What I Never Said. Gretchen’s Fate Family.’ I progress well and am fully immersed in the story. Right before seven o'clock in the evening, after the new time, we finally land in San José, the capital of Costa Rica, with a seven-hour time difference. According to German time, it is just before 2 a.m. The immigration process takes a while, and the line is long, but overall everything goes smoothly, and when we leave that area, our suitcases are already there. We are a colorful mix of people, who, as I already sense, look out for each other. A couple, three men, and the rest women. From what I’ve gathered, we come from Dortmund, Mönchengladbach, Munich, Berlin, Frankfurt, and Hamburg. I immediately feel the tropical climate, and we soon meet our tour guide, who accompanies us to our minibus. Since it is already fully dark, I can't see much. However, I am filled with various thoughts and emotions, which are quite overwhelming. It is late, and I feel very tired. After about half an hour on the bus, filled with initial travel information, we arrive at our hotel, Fleur de Lys. We receive our keys. Mine says Jasmin. A beautiful flower, I think; with a lovely meaning. When I enter the room, I notice the different 'standard' compared to my home. It's all there that is needed, and everything works, so I decide to focus on that. Yet, I don’t feel comfortable, as everything is very dark and rustic with no windows. I choose not to overvalue anything, unpack a few things I need, appreciate the good and functional power adapters, and make myself ready for bed. I still hear voices in the hallway and notice how I quickly drift off to sleep. Around two in the morning, I wake up for the first time but manage to fall asleep again. Shortly after four, the new day slowly begins for me. I am curious about what today holds. We will rise early and have breakfast. We set off at eight o'clock, and we will hike and see volcanoes. I am looking forward to it.