The Fear of Missing (me) out

I have decided, contrary to my original plans, to stay one more day in Paihia and only continue to Whangarei in the afternoon. Because I want to do something else here. This means that my stay in the next place will be much shorter than expected. And that’s when the voices in my head start:

Voice 1: 'Then you only have half a day there!' Voice 2: 'But you can do what you still want here!!!' Voice 1: 'And what if I miss something there? Maybe there's something even cooler!' Voice 2: 'You don't know that.' Voice 1: 'But I'm only here once in life. Maybe probably possibly. When can I come back to New Zealand? I wanted to hike this trail along the coast...' Voice 3: 'I just wanted to throw in that I think it's a good idea to just hide away in the hostel with 200g of chocolate and chips. Just saying.' Voice 2: 'You need a car for that, you idiot, and you don't have one.' Voice 1: 'I could hitchhike. I could take the earlier bus now and hitchhike.' Voice 2: 'You know very well that you’ll NEVER hitchhike there!' Voice 3: 'Save yourselves the trouble. Chocolate, 400g, NOW! And banana bread. And those caramel cookies...' Voice 1: 'Yes, but if I now...'
And what can I say? Somehow I manage to let the voices be voices.
I stay in Paihia. I eat a cheese muffin in this little café that I thought I wouldn't get to, and it's fantastic. I go to the Waitangi Treaty Grounds with Nat, learn about the history of New Zealand, and see a Māori performance - with someone I can share the experience with, as I have wished often in the past few days. I watch as this culturally significant canoe is launched; it happens in a large ceremony exactly once a year - this year it is at the moment I am there. For the first time, I curse the timezone difference because at 3:49 PM today, I wish so badly to call someone because I feel lonely, and it's the middle of the night at home - but this allows me to simply admit that I am very, very, very tired from the last days and to find peace with those feelings. I try two ice cream flavors with chocolate, but then I take the one with lemon cheesecake flavor and it is fantastic like the muffin. I arrive in Whangarei in the evening, so I have no problem needing to store my bag - plus I can go to bed early, making it easier to get up the next morning.
I am in the right place at the right time because it doesn't matter how many beautiful hiking trails are around me if I am too exhausted. It doesn't matter how many pub crawls there are in the evening because a voice message from home is far more important to me. It doesn't matter if I have four more or less hours at this place if I would actually prefer to be somewhere else. I have missed so much on my trip, so much I haven't done, so much I haven't seen. So much. And I will miss so much more. Fortunately. Because it's not about having, seeing, or doing everything. But about understanding what is right and important in this moment - for myself - and then standing by it. Because that is enough. No matter how much others tell you that you must hike the Te Whara track or buy a home. Sometimes it just doesn’t fit for me. That’s how it is in traveling and in life.
I don't want to be afraid of 'missing' anything anymore. If there's any worry that’s justified and one intention that’s important: I don’t want to miss myself anymore. So more courage. More courage to miss out! Because that gives you so much more of yourself.