Real Life - BKK

January 9, 2018 - Bangkok

Why does everything always have to be so dramatic for us? Silently, I walk back to the train at Bangkok Airport after safely dropping off Lisa there. If tears didn't continuously flow down my face, it wouldn't be so embarrassing anymore. A wonderful week of girls' vacation is over and from now on I am on my own again.

No shit, in the first few minutes alone, I felt like I wouldn't even find my way back to my hostel alone. After an hour, I miraculously stand in front of it and shake my head inwardly at my little panic attack. When I meet the first travelers in the hostel, it becomes clear to me again: I am traveling alone again and as uneasy as it initially feels, my excitement is just as boundless. I sit down with the first people I meet and voilà, I have already met great people and had the first good conversation with fellow travelers, how much I missed it!!!

I spent three more wonderful days in Bangkok, which confirmed all my hopes.

Before I came to Asia, despite my crazy excitement, I sometimes wondered if I was doing the right thing. If Australia wasn't enough, if I was unnecessarily making the way back into the world of school difficult for myself, if I was just wasting time to avoid having to face real life.

And then there was that moment in Bangkok when I wandered through one of the small alleyways, I had no idea where I was and just as little a destination where I wanted to go. I just started walking, absorbing the impressions, sounds, smells like a sponge.

Next to me, families cooked at small stands, old people sold all sorts of nonsense out of their living rooms, and boys repaired motorcycles.

In that moment, I felt like I was in a scene from 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I've never seen that movie, but I'm sure there's a terribly cheesy scene in it.

That was exactly the image I always had in my mind when I stood in front of Edeka shelves at home and dreamed of Asia.

In that moment, the journey was my destination and I think that's when I finally realized that there will never be a point in my life where I 'reach my goal'. Besides, what should that goal even be?

All these things with a nice house, a husband, a child, and a dog? The ones you strive for in real life?

I'm happy to accept these things when they come my way and I'm sure at some point I will also work for them, don't get me wrong, but please, that's not 'my real life' right now, is it? And the only real life you have is today, now. Everything that is tomorrow, in a year, are hopes, ideas, plans.

Last year, I didn't waste a thought on it, my head was on the plane and was considering whether it should travel from north to south or the other way around.

And my travels are also not a 'break' from my said real life, who am I to need a break from my life? My name isn't Merkel or The Rock or anything like that.

When did it become so morally reprehensible in our culture to follow one's dreams primarily and not define oneself through work, place of residence, marital status before indulging in life.

Hello, my name is Vreni and in real life I like to travel. Now it's out. And right now, I have achieved my life goal, just like five minutes ago and yesterday. I may not have my own apartment, a car, an education, or a job, but right now I am completely content. Isn't being happy what you want to achieve with all the desired prosperity in life? I am currently living my dream again, and it doesn't involve a husband, a house, or a dog. If I get run over by one of those crazy taxi drivers tomorrow morning, I have achieved my goal in life.

By the way, I can practically see half of the readers rolling their eyes. The old lady can talk, she hasn't had to face the seriousness of life yet. She never had to finance a car, land a job, find an apartment.

Exactly! This is your bucket list, not mine.

----

I'm sorry that my entries often turn into emotionally heart-wrenching stories, but I just can't manage to only write down my experiences. I have my diary for that.

For those who are interested:

In Bangkok, I took a boat tour through the remote canals of Bangkok, where I met the wonderful Sara from Denmark, whom I was able to meet again on my journey and who has become very dear to me!

I visited the Museum of Siam, got lost in markets, visited the beautiful Wat Arun and Golden Mount. I let myself be yelled at several times by the ticket lady on the ferry, simply because she yells at everyone. I have a guilty conscience for consuming huge amounts of seafood and leaving a fortune at the wonderful street kitchen 'Mamma Mia Bangkok'. I stayed at the Bridge Hostel, which is currently being lovingly built up by its young owner and is ideal, which is why I absolutely recommend it.

I love you all.