I did it!

I've been thinking about reducing my working hours for a long time. Mainly to have more time with my child, but also because I was completely exhausted of the time I normally had with him in the afternoon. Furthermore, he's going to school soon and I have to adjust my times somehow.

I work 110%. This means that I not only work 100% on the ward, but also regularly sit at home and develop new ideas for my practical instructions, write and answer emails, write assessments or plan days. Sometimes I take a day from home to do this. But not always. In addition, I take part in online conferences and workshops lasting several hours about once or twice a month, which do not count as working hours. Then I'm exhausted. Not just from the workload, but also from my illness.

Because I feel it every day. The last few days are special again. I wake up with pain and fall asleep with it. Currently my finger joints are stinging, my toes are pricking and I'm having trouble breathing. This pressure on my lungs doesn't let me sleep at night. So I'm completely exhausted, which I'm hiding, as always. Because you have to function. Nobody can do anything about it at work, so why leave it out there?

But I've noticed it particularly the last few days. Every move hurts. The forearms burn, the chest presses. Sometimes I see everything blurry. Then I stumble, complaining about the non-existent speed bump. It was my foot that didn't lift again. Then I wait a second before grabbing a cup from the cupboard until I have the strength again so as not to drop it in front of my colleagues. I don't want to complain. I love my job. Yes, I really do. But with 100% I can no longer give 100%.

If everything goes well, from May I will work 25% of the normal ward routine (5-6 days a month) and continue my 50% (10 days) practical instructions with flexitime (that's new!) and home office days.

As much as I love it… I also love my life!