It is getting serious...

Well, now the fun is over. Okay, it never ends being funny. But today I would like to philosophize about a serious topic. And I would like you to put on the song "Tha Bullshit" by Jeru The Damaja. It's about self-worth. Why would it break my heart if I heard people I love talk to themselves the way I talk to myself? Why would they do that? They are the most amazing, wonderful, sweet little creatures in the world and I want them to experience as much love as possible. And why don't I deserve the same respect and love? Why does a little voice in the back of my mind tell me that I don't deserve it when good things happen to me? What makes me less worthy than everyone else? Why do I make myself small and feel bad when I take up space? How does this go away? How do you learn to love yourself as you love others? Sometimes it helps to imagine that the world is just a confused mixture of atoms and energy, and if we're all just compositions of atoms, then we must all be the same, right? Why should my atoms deserve less happiness than the atoms of my mom, for example, to whom I wish all the happiness in this world. And even more if I could. Many religious people believe that God created all people exactly the way they should be and as a result they are exactly right the way they are. I'm not a believer (I've peed in several cemeteries, is that disrespectful? Okay, but not on the grave, more on the grassy areas), but that's a nice thought. Not peeing on the grave. Maybe not God, but the universe or whatever, maybe just a series of coincidences, made me the way I am. Sometimes I wonder if we all have these thoughts and just no one talks about them. Why are it primarily young, queer, economically disadvantaged, female socialized people who tend to lack self-love? Who taught us that we don't deserve to be loved? Was it us ourselves? I also often wonder how Harry Potter was told his entire life until he was 11 that he was absolutely worthless and useless and that he simply had 0.0 social contacts who treated him well, how does that work???? I don't think that's possible at all. Harry probably had a secret friend that the Muggles couldn't see. Also, I'm so mad at JK Rowling, who does that? First she writes the best book series in the world and then she becomes such a disgusting transphobic (can I use swear words here?) yes, just think of a politically correct swear word at this point. Imagine if she was such a cool (trans-inclusive!!) feminist who, years later, revealed that Harry was actually bisexual and occasionally "chilled" with Malfoy in the Forbidden Forest. Revenge sex for beating us in Quidditch. I would love her so much. I'm a bit off topic (I should write Harry Draco fanfictions), but guys, we're all atoms and I love you <3 Oh, and I've also stolen several euros from those money baskets that always go around at the end of the service. I mean, why do they need more money? This was definitely a political act of rebellion by my 12-year-old self and not because I wanted to buy the 13th top in a different neon color from New Yorker. Cheers, my loved ones