We eagerly follow the Corona development in Europe, so in Switzerland and Germany, through the media. We are eagerly waiting because it interferes so massively with the lives of our friends and family and disrupts their everyday life and plans. Hopefully not health-wise. Of course, we wish society that the major crisis does not happen. Excited also because we increasingly sense the global significance of this problem. So many economic connections, jobs, lives, and destinies. It is a time of upheaval and hopefully not just a crisis but also a restart. Sometimes I would like to shut out all the news!
Corona has also arrived here in Costa Rica and dominates the discussions. We have been in the country for 2 months, living with a host family, our 4-year-old is allowed to go to the local school here, and we are learning Spanish - online and in real life. Actually, we wanted to move on in a month, and then our visa also expires. We are affected by the pandemic in the sense that our 2 little girls have had a fever and cough at home for a few days. Mila, therefore, does not go to school, and our already decelerated and self-focused life that we have been leading here on the beach of Zancudo for about 2 months has become even more isolated. We are currently staying away from others, even if the idea that the Corona virus has actually made it to this beach location is relatively unlikely. Mainly actually because the people around us are very worried. Grandparents are very present here in Costa Rica, and anyone who has small children automatically has contact with a grandmother in the background. The news that now many schools in Germany and Switzerland are closing and that more people will probably be "forced" to work from home in the coming days makes us empathize with all the families whose tightly scheduled everyday life is now completely disrupted. Especially when both parents work and the children follow a fixed rhythm of school and hobbies, it surely feels like overwhelming. Because it is not like vacation, during vacations you can escape to the swimming pool or on a holiday. It feels more like prison with very ill-tempered inmates.
We have been living with 2 small children for over 8 months. Well, not as a prison, but more on that later. When we gave up our apartment and jobs last July, we chose a lifestyle where we are together as a family 24/7, often in one room. We use few objects, cook with whatever is available, and have to learn to fight for our own space even in a community setting. I would like to share with you what we have found helpful as a family in recent times. And since you have nothing else to do - no club activities, no school, no appointments - you have time to read this, right?
1. It's a matter of attitude
We constantly struggle with our attitude. Because what Mom and Dad think about the current situation influences everyone. Here's an example: We are in a mountain village in Armenia. Somehow we are also a bit stuck because one of us has diarrhea, so we can't continue traveling properly. The mountain village is beautiful, our accommodation is mediocre. We live under the roof with an older Russian lady who looks very strict with her high hairstyle and heavily made-up eyes. She sleeps on the sofa in her living room, and when we sneak past the glass door, she sighs and gets up to question us. It is super hot right outside the house, and the courtyard is covered with prickly weeds. Our two little blonde girls stand helplessly in the door. They don't really know what to do with it. Our little room is tiny, if we want to take a shower in the communal bathroom, we have to first complicatedly turn on the water connection with the hostess.
Plenty of privacy. Four of us.
Mentally, the attitude is somehow: everything is annoying. Room, hostess, children are annoying. In these days, we argue a lot. The children are never quiet enough. When they find something to play within the room, it's always the wrong thing. All expectations and unspoken desires remain unfulfilled: we actually wanted to hike through the Armenian mountains so much, and now we are sitting here waiting for the stomach cramps to pass. We actually wanted to continue traveling or meet exciting people, and now there is this controlling, unfriendly person. That there is a beautiful park right next door, the nature around us is beautiful, and the internet works - not an issue. Everything is bad.
Another moment: We arrive in Oman in the evening. We have a car, but only the man is allowed to drive it, and we have an Airbnb apartment. It is hot outside, the children are whining after the long journey from Dubai to Muscat. The apartment is relatively spacious, and we parents are just happy to have arrived. And to have a kitchen and a bathroom. Even at this moment, illness plays a role because our youngest daughter seems to have caught a cold or got infected somewhere and wakes up with a fever the next day. But the mood is not "doomsday", there is no mourning for postponed plans, it is simply accepted. I cuddle with the little one on the sofa all day, enjoy the air conditioning and the space, cook something delicious from the few ingredients we brought with us, and listen to exciting podcasts and read a lot. It is only much later that I realize: I had managed to ignore the negatives, to overlook things in the apartment that are not clean or not working. Because I wanted to.
When we are in close quarters, the atmosphere has a huge influence. Unfortunately, we often don't get it right. For me, it is a big issue to put expectations aside. If I have imagined all the great things I do and discover and want, and then it turns out completely different and I don't achieve any of it in the end. These are those moments of taking a breather. I am currently working on swallowing these expectations. Because I notice that everyone is better off that way. Our children are very adaptable, and they have learned well on the journey to play creatively with the same things.
And not needing so much input from outside. Perhaps I have also learned a little bit more to accept that sometimes we disappear for days. Not constantly experiencing. If you can be satisfied with what it is and see an opportunity in it, you can endure any house arrest and any hotel room. Because it doesn't depend on the circumstances but on our hearts.
2. A tribute to the internet
How often do I think: Thank goodness for the internet! It is my gateway to the world as I travel around the world. I can hardly imagine how difficult it was for emigrants to write letters to their relatives at home or how much money you had to spend on a long-distance call just 15 years ago. Here's an example from our globetrotting life: We are in Barcelona for a week. We have a small apartment, there is a playground next door, and there is plenty of sunshine outside.
We have had exhausting months full of encounters and contacts. What are we doing? My husband sits on the sofa and enjoys reading. Instead of thick books that he would have to carry around, he reads online on his phone. I listen to an exciting podcast about solving crimes, and I am amusedly creeped out by the sunny morning. We play with the children again and again, who enjoy themselves on the terrace and rejoice at the temperatures. They would like to tell their grandma about it, and with 2 button presses, we call her in Germany. Via WhatsApp, completely free. Then we send a picture of our lunch to our friend and receive a picture of delicious Swiss cheese in return. But we also put the phone away and explore the area, the supermarket around the corner, the playground. Since we don't speak Spanish very well yet, our only conversation partner is an American homeless person who tells us stories from his life. A valuable encounter. In the evening, I chat with newly made acquaintances we met in Dubai and the Caucasus. It is raining in South India, I am told. The Internet is my exchange with the world I know, in my language and with familiar faces. But it also gives me the necessary strength and motivation to deal with the unfamiliar world around me. Because I am grounded and not detached. Maintaining the balance between screen time and time without the phone in hand is difficult, but with discipline and mindfulness, I think it can be managed well. Since we have been on the move, we have also been more generous with our children, allowing them more time on the iPad.
We send quite a few videos and voice messages to the grandparents and also show the children from time to time our life online - photos and videos of others. They are allowed to play apps and watch cartoon movies - something that was absolutely taboo before. We believe that the combination of many people in a confined space should also open up special windows. If we as adults occasionally escape into media, why should we deny our children this variety and entertainment? Let us be grateful for the opportunities that the internet offers us - contact with others, reading, watching, and distraction possibilities, educational platforms, and information. Nowadays, there can be no talk of isolation.
3. Everyone needs their own space
One reads, the other gets creative, the third practices handstand. If someone were to watch us from a distance, they might be surprised by how little time we actually spend together as a family. Somehow it has become routine for us because we are together day and night. Currently, we have been living in a studio apartment for 2 months. If one person wakes up at 6 a.m., everyone is awake. If one person wants to listen to music, everyone hears the background noise. As a family, we have learned despite the confinement not to always hang out with each other. That works for us.
I think it is very important that everyone in a family has their own space. My husband has perfected this because he grew up in a large family. He can simply mentally escape into other worlds in the midst of the hustle and bustle (much to my frustration because then I have to cope with the hustle alone). But I try to follow his lead because otherwise, I can't bear our closeness as a family. Don't always jump to action right away. Don't always do everything together. Don't always mediate or argue right away. Don't always wait for my goals until everyone else has achieved theirs. There are probably many gender roles at play, and for me, it is a good lesson.
This means that we and our children have learned to be side by side and be absorbed in our own thoughts. I love being creative; I need time to paint and write. My husband takes time for his sports, and he doesn't mind if our children are playing right next to him. Our children are also influenced by this: our oldest daughter can craft and paint for hours, while our second one persistently jumps around. And we let them. We also like to use the outdoor space, the lawn, and a terrace. It provides some distance, and nature just does us good when we get on each other's nerves.
4. Let's learn from deceleration
Now it seems so far away, but my life in Europe has always been very full. Overloaded. I was very active, always participated in community and association activities, liked to meet friends, and couldn't sit at home. If I were living in Valais now and this quarantine in Switzerland affected me, it would be a real crisis for me. Through our world trip, I live deceleration every day. For all of you, it sounds exciting, exhausting, and adventurous. If you knew how much time we spend doing nothing somewhere lying down! Our lives have definitely emptied. Not in every phase of this journey, but overall. We have no obligations, no tasks, no constant contacts. Until half a year ago, I would have always felt guilty about it and above all - afraid of the emptiness. Here in Costa Rica, our everyday life is completely empty. And it has already been going on so incredibly fast for 2 months, and I am so amazed. I often feel more balanced (except when both children are crying at the same time), feel creativity and spirituality, and have space for many things. And I am learning that nothing has to happen and everything can happen. It is not comparable at all to a 10-day vacation because only after 3 to 4 weeks does a deeper process become noticeable. I increasingly realize that we humans are actually not created for such a stressful, full life. And when we are in the system, it is so hard for us to get out of it. For me, the conscious decision to go somewhere else was a brake on my fast-paced life. In Europe, this sudden braking might be Corona. Just slowing things down (having to).
Empty everyday life and be happy about it. And if that sometimes includes hours of Netflix, maybe that's also part of it. I try to write down and preserve the experiences I am having now. And be happy about it. It's like stocking up on satisfaction.
