Mild side effects

When the Mexican 'ceramic turtle seller' next to you starts tapping nervously and wants to end your well-practiced sales conversation in poor European Spanish gibberish surprisingly quickly, then you know what's coming....

The American tour group that disembarks from the ferry and tries to avoid the calls of taxi drivers, tour organizers, and hat vendors by appearing slightly aloof. The male specimens, mostly equipped with short shorts, athletic socks, and Hawaiian shirts, usually can't resist throwing a cool remark at the sellers as well. 

In the tourist hotspot Playa del Carmen, everything is geared towards American tourists. Only one shopping street lines the beachfront promenade. Unfortunately, nothing here reminds you of Mexico.

How quickly time flies. But before I say goodbye to Mexico, the amazing people, and the gigantic cuisine (just wanted to mention it again), I naturally want to preserve something essential for posterity, as many travel bloggers do. 

Beware of wild animals! Staying in hostels requires you to be an animal lover. Unless it's about food, then the law of the jungle applies! 

I must admit, after the trip to Cuba with the casas and the very attentive hosts, I am a bit spoiled, and my age certainly doesn't make it any easier. A large double bed and a private bathroom with freshly prepared breakfast are simply incomparable to bunk beds and communal kitchens. 

However, I never suspected that the horror could come from hostels and what lurks inside, so I had to completely reconsider my approach and take action!!

5 Tips for Safe Travel as a 37-Year-Old Swiss Backpacker

1. Online reviews are not always objective

The page on Airbnb didn't look bad. The room was incredibly cheap. Okay, the accommodation was new, but that doesn't mean anything. And there we stood. The single room was not bigger than a prison cell, and who needs a functioning door to the toilet in intimacy. Only cold water is no problem in hot Mexico, if it wasn't for that sewer smell that rose after each shower. The kitchen or whatever it was, was cleaned at some point. Probably...

Hostel kitchen, basic version

Then I had the spontaneous idea of searching for the accommodation on Google, and behold. The reviews were remarkably good, but oddly enough, they were all written by the same person who happened to look like the owner. Lesson learned: Proper research prevents worse.

2. Stay flexible! Organization is a matter of discretion

If you plan to go on an excursion and you believe that if you sign up, it will work out.... hmmm.

In Cuba, the entire mountain was simply closed on that day, and if you want to swim with large fish in Mexico, the entire harbor is closed for the whole week because of the weather. And if you struggle out of bed at six in the morning to climb a mountain, it can happen that the friendly hostel person tells you ten minutes before you start that the tour won't take place today after all.

Speaking of organization. My mobile office: tablet, Bluetooth keyboard, charging cable with multi-adapter, portable hard drive, Swiss and local SIM card, camera accessories, memory cards.

3. The mattress test

If a mattress is just standing around in a small room, it doesn't do so without reason. And the strange smell could come from it. In the best case, it's not yours. Keep in mind that even younger people sometimes can't control their bodily functions. It's also fun to see the slightly annoyed reaction of the hostel staff member, who realized only after asking for the mattress to be removed three times that he is actually responsible for it.

4. Know your roommates

The Argentinians:

Mostly, they are the owners of almost all hostels on the Costa Maya, and the Argentine hostel guests who constantly form their own groups. 'Hablas español' No? Well, tough luck. And suddenly, you won't even be looked at. Of course, exceptions always confirm the rule, but: Dear Argentinians. Your country and your meat are fantastic. But when you're abroad, it doesn't mean you can't speak to other people.

The volunteers:

Oh, you also work here. Apparently, volunteering for free in a hostel instead of exploring the country you're traveling in must have something enriching about it. Or money is tight, and you need free accommodations. Well, to each their own. Important to know is that these people are not locals and usually have about as much knowledge as you do. Therefore.. if you need to know something, the kiosk vendor probably knows more than the guys and girls working in hostels.

The seekers:

You can recognize them by their wide pants with funny animal figures on them, often with long matted hair, smelling slightly swampy, and if you're unlucky, they'll smoke the room with incense sticks. They go to mountains to take magic mushrooms with shamans and proudly show you their purchased Peruvian art, like a drinking horn made of cow bone. And yes. it looks very much like a dead cow. 

The detachers:

Usually in their twenties on the search for self-realization, as long as it's far away from home. The detachers are excited about everything, fall in love with locals every few meters, and then sit crying by the campfire when the Mexican sunny boy hasn't contacted them for two weeks. To process the trauma, they sit in front of their laptops with their man buns, writing blogs for hours and explaining that they want to write a book, of course, about life and traveling.

5. Choose your sleeping spot wisely 

Never, NEVER take the bottom bunk bed. Firstly, the cold air from the air conditioning, which is usually set to arctic, has the annoying habit of flowing downwards. And secondly, it is possible that the 20-year-old Englishman overdoes it a bit with the hostel's drinking game and then happens to vomit right next to your bed. 

Improvised dinner with leftovers

After all this horror, here's the good news: I am still alive enough to post some of my highlight pictures from the warm Isla Holbox in wonderful Mexico. See you later in cooler Bogota