Seychelles - overwhelmed

Guest author: Robert Schlesinger

This is how people imagine their vacation! We have always avoided beach vacations like the plague; two days at the beach in four weeks of vacation is the most we can handle. After all, we travel to see things, not to do nothing. I can lie around and read at the beach in Gänsehäufel (a huge beach on the Danube river) without getting sand in my swimsuit (and with the option to eat the best egg noodles ever for a decent price at the buffet).

But! The Seychelles! I take the blame solely on myself; I wanted to come here. Just once, I wanted to spend a few days on a palm-fringed sandy beach with turquoise-blue sea and islands. Not for the sake of lying around, but for the beautiful landscape and the sea. And the landscape on the Seychelles, where the beaches are speckled with picturesque granite rocks, seemed particularly beautiful. Well, at least it delivered on the third must-see island, La Digue.

We knew that half of the beaches on La Digue are only for looking at (and walking), because it is not safe to swim due to dangerous currents. However, what nobody tells you is that you also cannot swim in the other half (as well as everywhere in Praslin); at most you can get your ankles and half of your calves wet if you wade out far enough.

What else makes a vacation in the Seychelles special? Absurdly high prices that would make even the Venetians blush; a surprisingly high percentage of arrogant, unwilling-to-work, and incredibly rude locals (and as a Viennese, I am familiar with unwilling-to-work, rude locals as much as anyone in the world); terrible food made from terrible ingredients, which makes it impossible to cook anything enjoyable yourself (we had apartments with kitchens almost the whole time). Tomatoes like they come from the backmost Dutch greenhouse, mangoes like they come from Lithuania, canned tuna (economically important, as the Seychelles is the second-largest tuna factory in the world!) that, if it ever makes its way to the West, is certainly only repackaged and labeled with 'Whiskas'; and imported goods, imported goods, imported goods, certainly not of good quality, not to mention 'environmental protection' (a state goal in the Seychelles for around 20 years). For example: In a country full of coconut palms, coconut milk comes from a can and from Thailand??!

This is how people imagine their vacation: beaches that are nice to look at but where you can't do anything at all, under a sun that feels like an assault; plus mostly inedible food at exorbitant prices. At least anyone who knows the egg noodles from Klampfer would have to be a complete fool to want to come here. And, I won't sugarcoat it, I know them...