Ebifulumiziddwa: 10.05.2018
Hellooo everyone 😊
Hard to believe, but exactly a year ago today I sat in my beloved kitchen late at night and applied for my visa for Australia. Seconds later, the confirmation fluttered into my email inbox. I was so excited! I poured myself a glass of sparkling wine and then went to sleep because I didn't know what to do with myself and whether I would actually do it. There were so many fears, but at the same time so many new possibilities! I feel the same way now...
That's why I changed the name of the blog. There's no more sunnysaltyskin here. It's more like 'we're all mad here'. And Alice had to fall deeply before she reached Wonderland.
I'm still in Melbourne and somehow got stuck on the couch.
At first it was a lot of fun! Just to give you a brief overview:
There were long bike rides and I saw a lot.
In the sun with the scent of the sea in my nose...the first time on the beach, barefoot in Melbourne sand. I even shed a tear!
Or biking along the Yarra River, through the woods and then through the entire city. I drove through the pit lane of the Formula 1 track! So cool 😊 We also went to the Botanic Gardens and just as we arrived, there was a rainbow 🌈
I treated myself to an hour of floating in a spa. Highly recommended! But a little tip, don't shave your legs before, because it burns! 💥 I speak from experience... That's why it took a little longer for me to relax.
Meanwhile, the weather has gotten worse and there's a icy wind - Antarctica is not far away. Today I had to buy clothes, it's so cold. It rains often, so we spend a lot of time at home. We stay up at night, play the guitar or watch Helge Schneider until four in the morning. Sometimes I don't even leave the house until three in the afternoon just to get some fresh air, sit by the river or buy something.
I'm still planning an overnight trip to the Grampians and a tour on the Great Ocean Road, but the weather and the host's commitments where I'm staying don't allow for it at the moment. We'll see if it works out.
This hanging around and being constantly in company is not easy for me. I had to give up my room for reasons, and since then the atmosphere here is tense. I don't know if I'll stay much longer because the situation is exhausting and not good for me.
Sometimes I'm really excited to be here in my gut. Then I enjoy every moment, laugh a lot, and am open to other people.
On other days, I have no idea what to do with myself. Then I'm sad, don't know what to do next (will I ever learn to make decisions?!) and where the journey should go. On these days, I struggle with old baggage, I'm dissatisfied and don't like myself. Anyone who knows me knows that this can also be exhausting for the people around me 😅 I process a lot - those days and moments are part of it. To peel off the old, to see what remains and to let the new grow.
I learn something new about myself every day and get to know myself a little better. Sometimes it feels more heavy than light.
The fact that things are currently difficult in this house is making me want to move on soon, on the other hand, living here gives me a certain sense of security and routine that I'm still holding onto. Because I don't know what comes after this.
But that's not how my time in Down Under should be. I want to experience something too! That's why I have to take the next step soon and leave the accommodation. To learn to separate myself from the security that I seek externally and through others, and to start finding it within myself. To follow my gut feeling or my heart, instead of my head.
So that I can finally come out of my shell, I have arranged to meet a girl tomorrow. If we get along, we want to take a trip to the Great Ocean Road in the coming days.
And on the weekend there's the Big Vegan Market in Melbourne, which I won't miss.
So let's see what activities and emotions the coming days bring and when I'll manage to make the next leap💫 It remains exciting! 💕