Calgary 1

The next morning, I packed my bags and headed to the airport. The buses you can book, for example, to get to the airport in Vancouver, are simply 'amazing' – and so cheap too! I felt almost like a VIP as I sat in the comfortable bus that drove me through the city.

I had very little stress with the airport and the flight to Calgary. I even managed to get through security without the usual chaos. The clouds up there were breathtakingly beautiful, almost as if someone had laid a huge, fluffy bed of cotton candy over the landscape.

Upon arriving in Calgary, I had to reorient myself. Different bus schedules, different apps to use, different street names. As usual, I used Google Maps to show me the way to my accommodation, which I had booked through Booking.com. Once on the bus, I just sat there – for about 25 minutes. At one point, I thought my stop wasn’t coming and impulsively got off. (I never really mastered the bus skills until the end – more on that later.) I recalibrated Google Maps: 40 minutes on foot and 18 minutes by bus (with three transfers). I decided to walk the route.

On the side, between the trees, I saw many squirrels while the mosquitoes half devoured me. At some point, I spotted a big, fat cloud in the sky, and I was walking right towards it. While I was already seeing lightning in the sky, my GPS still indicated 15 minutes. I couldn’t help but take pictures of the clouds, and then it started pouring as if from buckets. I got soaked faster than I could say 'Oh no!'.

I walked for 15 minutes in the rain, with no shelter, until I finally stood in front of my accommodation. But how do I get in? I stood there, dripping wet, with an expression that was probably somewhere between 'I just won a marathon in the rain' and 'I’m a drenched poodle'. I knocked on the door, and suddenly a man opened it for me. Unfortunately, not my Prince Charming, but a 50-year-old Chinese man. He looked like he didn’t expect me while I was wondering if I was in the right house.

He got me a towel and spoke in some language I absolutely didn’t understand – a mix of Chinese and English that I would call 'Chinlish'. He led me to the stairs that went down. I sent my mom my location via WhatsApp because I didn’t know what awaited me down there. In the basement! I saw different rooms, and he led me to mine. Everything seemed fine, and while he was talking, I just wanted to get out of my wet clothes (wet is an understatement).

When he finally left, I was able to dry off. I closed the room door, and when I wanted to brush my teeth 10 minutes later, I couldn’t open it anymore. 'Now it’s time, horror movie,' I thought. The first thing I did was check the windows to see if there were bars. There weren’t any. But the window wouldn’t open either. I pondered back and forth and gathered my courage to message the man via WhatsApp to please open the door for me.

Two minutes later, he did. It turned out I just hadn’t pulled hard enough. You really had to tug at the door, which drove me crazy in the following days. But Robert (the man) turned out to be the nicest host I have ever met. He helped me with everything, was always asking how I was doing, and was very accommodating. Nothing is as it seems – both negatively and positively.

The next morning, I walked through the streets with my extremely emotional music in my ears. Just before that, I had seen videos of my gymnast friends, my cat, and a few other people, and different scents wafted into my nose. My head was spinning with the music. You know what I mean? If this were a movie, different frequencies would be playing. A summary before I visited the Calgary Tower was that this whole experience takes time. I had no familiar faces around me. I’ve already mentioned that I need hugs to feel grounded. But I can’t exactly hug strangers here, haha. My plan is to find a city where I feel comfortable. But you can only feel comfortable once you know people and environments. Calgary is very large. There might be a place for me here, but my budget is limited. Maybe I’ll travel to the next city or a different neighborhood. I’m definitely using these few days to get to know Calgary and maybe also visit 1-2 gymnastics clubs or apply at a ski resort. For now, I just need to settle in for 2-3 more days. And on the fourth day, I will decide where to go. Kristin, who I know from Vaniii, told me that it’s very beautiful between Banff and Jasper.

After my city tour of the impressive large buildings, I walked past the Calgary Library and decided to go in. Jessy told me that entry was free. I’m currently trying to approach English literature face-to-face to deepen my understanding of the language. After 15 pages, I thought to myself: 'Fair enough,' which means 'good enough'. It’s very exhausting for my brain, but it was nice to learn a few new terms. I will probably become more patient in Germany because now I know how difficult it is to immerse oneself in another culture with a language one only knew sporadically before.

I started observing people from the windows, realizing again that everyone is currently having their own thoughts bubbling up. It’s crazy how many people or, in general, souls there are on Earth. If one could imagine hearing all those thoughts, it would just be an extremely high sequence. Mindfuck.

And my thoughts keep swirling. I told you about the guide in Whistler, James. Somehow, I found him quite charming. I loved his pronunciation and was fascinated by his energy. With the song 'IDK U yet' in my ear, I thought about how much I want to meet more people like that. But I really want to get to know them for a longer period. I know it’s a privilege to have opportunities like work and travel. But after the 16 days I’ve been here, I think I need another 1-2 weeks to know where I want to stay. With the silent hope that I won’t have to actively decide, but that life will just take its course and this carousel of thoughts will take a break so that I can enjoy life here.

On the bus ride back, I saw a young man in a wheelchair, about 19 years old, without legs. Why is it so hard for me to be happy? I have a healthy, functional body, a healthy mind, and yet disruptive thoughts hold me back.

It would be too easy to do something I already know. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with sneaking into a gymnastics club. But I wanted to get to know myself aside from the things in Germany. I know that I miss working with children; I don’t need proof of that. I want to do things this year that I wouldn’t normally do. So far, it’s been going quite well. Do I feel good? No, of course not. It’s fucking hard to get to know myself again and not be able to do things that used to give me so much support. And so, my carousel of thoughts took a break for now as I prepared for my next adventure.