'Come as a guest and leave as a friend'

- from hospitality, to family unity, to a Hindu wedding

The saying 'Come as a guest and leave as a friend' is something that I randomly heard on the colorful streets of Mumbai and have not forgotten since. Why? Because it is simply the truth and it reflects life and the people here in Mumbai very well. I have already had experiences related to this in the few days that I have been here, and they are increasing daily. It was initially difficult to be stared at so often as a 'foreigner', but over time I learned that it doesn't mean anything bad and there is nothing to fear. People are just curious. Because when you take a step towards these people, whether it's a smile or a friendly wave, you can see the joy on the faces of the locals every time. Never before on a trip have I been asked if I can take a photo with a stranger, but here it happens almost every day now and I don't want to know how many Indian family albums I am now in. I never thought before I started my journey that tourists in Mumbai are such a rarity.

When you think of the beautiful aspects of India, perhaps hospitality or extended families come to mind. These are exactly the experiences I have had in the short time I have been here. Our project leader suggested that we meet his colleague Sejal Doide so she can show us the local markets. But even at the first meeting, my expectations were completely exceeded. She came to pick us up from the hotel with her parents, and we already met her first uncle, who happens to know the hotel manager. It took less than 5 minutes for Sejal to mention that she is getting married in a week and we are warmly invited. Unbelievable, something like this would never happen in Germany. She is lucky to be able to marry her true love. However, most weddings here in India are still arranged. Unimaginable for us Europeans... Then we went to the market and had a great evening. We bought saris for the wedding, were treated to lemonade, and even went to the Chinese restaurant at 10 PM.

 

We got to know her brother, who suddenly appeared on his scooter in the chaotic traffic next to us. At first, I thought it was a joke until he really greeted us. He told me that he is coming to Germany next year to pursue his Master's degree in engineering. Even then, I felt guilty because he will surely have a hard time with his southern appearance in a city like Wismar. I am experiencing so much warmth here and he will come to Germany and likely receive rejecting looks... that didn't feel good to me. I can only hope the best for him and I also offered that we could possibly meet in Berlin.

Just two days later, we were invited to dinner at her grandmother's house. The food was incredibly delicious!!

And afterwards, we all danced together. Every half an hour, a new uncle, cousin, or one of her other siblings joined our group, and even though the space was limited, it was enough. In Germany, the police would probably show up after 20 minutes due to the noise we were making. But dancing the Annemarie Polka in India is simply unforgettable! Families here are united. Strained family relationships seem to be a rarity. And so we spent the following evenings together, and we were constantly offered special local food, or we bought things at unbelievably cheap prices because 'Mom' is so good at bargaining.

Every time we went out to eat, we were asked a thousand times if we wanted anything else. Or if we weren't feeling well, the immediate question was if we wanted to go to the doctor. Saying no so often almost felt bad, but the Doide family enjoyed doing it. They always said: 'When you think of the time in India, you should remember all the beautiful things, and we want to show you all the treats that Mumbai has to offer!'. The most bizarre thing was a milk dish, where sweetened milk was boiled with gelatin. It was cooled on an ice block and served on a palm leaf. Fear of diarrhea?! Nah, nonsense... Barely... :D

The idea of being so warm towards 'strangers' is a bit strange for me as a German, but it only shows what I need to work on and hopefully also makes the reader of these lines think about it. But at that point, I already knew that I would be leaving India as a friend!

Sejal's father, who is also a metalworker like mine. So my dad also benefits from my journey. The exchange with him about it, despite the language barrier, was very interesting.

And then the day of the wedding approached. The wedding ceremony we experienced took place over two days, but it was said that it was only a part of the whole wedding.

On Sunday, November 19, 2017, the bride received gifts. Unbelievable how much golden and glittering jewelry was on the floor, as well as beautiful clothes. I must admit, I was a little envious.

Afterwards, many photos were taken and then it was time to dance. This took place in a hall that looked completely run-down, but no one cared because it was about celebrating and being happy. You don't need a lot of money for unnecessary frills around it.

But the highlight of the wedding was on Tuesday, November 21, 2017. Very early in the morning, the women started to get ready. 'Beautiful' is not even an adequate word to describe it, because the amount of effort they put into this day is incredible. Starting with the Mehndi (henna), which the women also painted on our hands on Saturday, to perfect hairstyling and makeup (the eyeliner here is so dreamy!), and the beautiful colorful saris, every woman looked like a little princess. Since we were also invited to everything, I also felt like one. I love all the glitter, gold, and bling-bling here so much! The jewelry is a dream!

After all the women transformed, it was time for the wedding venue, an auditorium in a school. Once again, not a super magnificent location and this time, nothing was even set up in advance... but so what - it's about love. The ceremony began after a long wait and lasted for about 2 hours. There was somehow a magical atmosphere. The 'priest' here was a monk who started all his sentences with a deep 'Ohhhhhm'. Everyone sat together and witnessed the traditions. Whatever they had to drink or eat there, or had to spray on their faces - I was somehow glad not to have to do that :D

Afterwards came the saddest moment of the wedding. I have rarely seen something so emotional and sad in my life. The bride's farewell to her childhood home, as she is now moving to her husband's home. The whole family cried and embraced each other, and I will never forget how Sejal screamed for her mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather. At that point, I couldn't hold back my tears either.

It's sad that this is almost normal in Germany. Where is the gratitude towards the parents and grandparents who have tried their whole lives to make everything possible and have guided you with so much love and care to the point where you are now? I think everyone my age should think about this, and I will also make more effort in the coming year.

But despite all that, I am glad to have grown up in Germany. The freedom of the individual, especially for women/girls, is very limited here. Sejal had to be home every day at 10 PM (at the age of 26!) and on the night of November 21st, she slept with her husband Gaurav for the FIRST time. Compared to that, I feel almost like a black sheep. However, I am happy with the freedom I have and especially grateful that my parents have always given it to me.

Getting married and having children like here at around the age of 21?! No thanks, I need to live my life and enjoy the freedom first. And now, discovering the pink, rosy world is just the right thing, isn't it?! :)