About values and ethics.

Friday, September 27th

6:30 am. The day starts like many others in the past few days: swimming, breakfast, bus to GJU Madaba. The atmosphere in the group is still tense. I notice how I avoid looking at Lisa, let alone talking to her. The anger that is still inside me makes it impossible for me to be neutral towards her. The same goes for Prof. Roßkopf, whom we now meet at GJU and who is present at Pepa and Eman's presentation. Normally, I would answer the questions he asks after the presentation, but right now I'm not in the mood to say a word to him.

Without looking at him, I leave the lecture hall after the presentation and join the rest of the group on the way to the conference room, where we have been a few times in the past few days. Farah and Lisa are now leading a workshop on "Code of Ethics in Social Work". My motivation to participate is in the negative range. I find it infinitely ironic that she, of all people, is now telling us about values and ethics towards clients. During Lisa's presentation, I fixate on a water bottle in the front corner of the room and only lift my gaze when Prof. Roßkopf suddenly interrupts the presentation. "Are we disturbing you in writing your e-mails?" I hear him say. All heads turn to him. My gaze falls on Sophia, who is sitting diagonally in front of him with her laptop. "I am listening," she responds, as I understand that he is addressing her. The malice in Prof. Roßkopf's otherwise calm voice is audible as he now tells her to close her laptop. Uncomfortable silence. The imaginary spotlight that he deliberately directed at Sophia now turns back to the front, and the presentation continues.

I turn my attention back to the presentation. I don't want to get Sophia into more trouble with my gaze. In front of me, I see three professors and participants from GJU who are also busy with their laptops. Others have their phones in their hands. It can certainly be seen critically that the attention in many conferences is now more focused on our own devices than on the speakers. However, singling out Sophia in front of everyone, while she is by no means the only one not giving her undivided attention to the presentation, has nothing to do with respectful behavior. I try not to dwell on the situation and fixate on my water bottle again. When my head turns to Sophia a few minutes later, I realize that she is no longer there. "She left," Bara’a whispers in my ear.

My thought carousel starts spinning. I know that it would cause even more unrest to look for her, and I mentally tell myself to stay seated. When she is still not back minutes later, and Farah starts talking about the importance of taking care of our own well-being, I've had enough. I stand up and leave the conference room outside, where the bright daylight blinds me.

I am about to disappear around the corner of the building when I hear Prof. Roßkopf's voice behind me. "Please stay here!" His choice of words and tone of voice do not match. This is not a request, it's a command. I turn to him. I tell him that I only want to check on Sophia. "She is old enough. Come back in now." He waves his hand towards the door. "I feel like she's not doing well," I react. 'She'll be fine on her own,' he replies. "But Mr. Roßkopf," I approach him. "You can't decide that now." It would be her own fault if she didn't behave respectfully during a presentation, he tells me as I now stand in front of him. The sun blinds my face. I have to hold my hand to my forehead to look him in the eye. My voice trembles a bit now as I explain to him that we are all very confused and exhausted right now. That we can't concentrate anymore because too many things have happened in the past few days that we couldn't talk to them as organizers about. That we feel unheard and misunderstood, and that we are really at the end of our rope.

I did it. He listens to me. He may not agree with me or give me the feeling that he can understand our emotions. But he listens to me. And he takes the time to talk to me while the group work of the workshop starts inside. Sophia silently passes us by. I am relieved to see her again. Finally, Prof. Roßkopf reminds me that we can discuss everything else later in the joint reflection of the summer school, and we go back to the conference room together. I notice that the feelings of anger in me have calmed down a bit, and I can participate in the group work as usual.

The workshop is over and the next item on the agenda follows, which I have already forgotten again: the ceremonial presentation of the summer school certificates. With music playing in the background, we are individually allowed to go to the front, where Prof. Roßkopf and other representatives of GJU are ready to shake hands and hand out certificates, which are captured in a picture for each participant. After the turbulence of the past few days, the whole show seems a bit surreal. On the other hand, it's also nice to celebrate each other and honor our co-student. I think we all deserve applause for how our group has functioned.

Now it's back to the hotel. After a short lunch break, the final official event follows: the reflection of the summer school, led by Lisa and Prof. Roßkopf. After being sure yesterday that I have nothing more to say to both of them, the previous conversation with Prof. Roßkopf actually calmed me down a bit and I am willing to speak my mind about everything that is still bothering me. And contrary to my expectations, we really have the space for it. After anonymously writing down all the topics that move us on cards, the two of them take the time to go through everything point by point and listen to every voice. And I can really express everything that has been bothering me in the past few days. It is an unfamiliar feeling for me to exercise open criticism. However, I manage to explain with a calm voice what has bothered and hurt me, and to firmly look Lisa in the eyes when expressing my displeasure with her "tough talk". And everyone else also peacefully expresses their thoughts and negative perceptions of the past few days. On the other hand, Lisa and Prof. Roßkopf repeat their points of criticism in a calm and appropriate tone of voice.

After about two hours, everything that needed to be said has been said. In many things, I realize that I don't agree with the opinions of the two organizers. And I won't come to an agreement with them either. But suddenly, Hannah's voice rings in my ear. "Yes, I accept that you see it like that."

I am at peace. Thank you, Hannah.