Let's go. Craaaaazy

Today is my last evening in Berlin. I won't be here for a while. In fact, today I became nervous for the first time. I'm very excited. At the same time, my head is still filled with a lot of shooting, tears, and memories.

Today I strolled around Berlin a bit. Took a last look at a few places. Saying goodbye.

How does one say goodbye to a city? So much has happened here, I have been shaped by no other place like Berlin.

Home doesn't describe a place, it describes a time. How do I say goodbye to a time? Especially such an ambivalent one.

I go to the places of my home, assuming something will happen. But very often, I stand in front of a building, for example at Schliemannstr. 24, and feel the memories but I also feel that I want to leave this place behind.

Now I'm sitting in my room on Dolomitenstraße. The apartment is almost completely renovated. My parents are so kind and taking care of the rest. But it's almost done.

A room, or an apartment, is always an expression of oneself. Those who have been in my room know that there are posters everywhere, a poem painted on the wall, and old notes scattered around. All these fragments make up a part of me. And well, removing all of this, painting over all these memories. Starting from scratch is a form of self-destruction.

It's really strange...

It's also a form of farewell, a rather harsh form. Especially because everything happened so fast.

Yesterday I had a weakness attack. From 2 PM I was just lying in bed. Couldn't accomplish anything anymore. I painted the hallway and my mother took care of the bathroom. But afterwards, we just chatted.

After the last few weeks that I felt like I spent only in stress, listing them: a volcano erupts in La Palma - do I go to Tenerife? People miss their flights at BER due to the queues - do I go to Tenerife? Problems with the credit card, emptying and renovating the apartment, last super intense therapy session, etc.

This weakness attack really caught up with me.

In the last few days, I said goodbye to people who are important to me. Today, I said goodbye to Berlin.

I feel ready, now I can go.