Survival Camp Check

Arrived. Three hours by bus, one hour by boat. Everything felt longer. On site, we met two Germans, four South Africans, and about 90 percent humidity. The food was surprisingly good. No one required medical attention.

Daily routine straight out of the survival manual: hiking, setting up tents, campfire, hammock. Eight participants, two guides. The guides were friendly and seemed like they had done this before. Lina was afraid of spiders. Understandable – the spiders were larger than some city apartments. The guides reassured her with words and machetes.

At the fire: Caipirinha, beer, conversations about life and what it’s worth when a spider can jump on your face at any moment. The conversations were deep. Or we were drunk. Probably both. Then night safari: no spiders, no snakes, just sounds one usually only hears in nightmares. At least we were spared from animal attacks. That was nice.

Next day: boat ride, piranhas, caimans. The usual jungle routine. You fish for what bites and pet what snaps. There were spiders. Big, hairy, with the charm of end bosses. Lina was on the verge of seeking a new purpose in life.

At night: absolute darkness. Caiman safari. You drive through the darkness and wonder when you lost control over your life. We found caimans. They didn’t find us scary. Briefly held, petted, photographed. Spiders along the way continued to be obnoxiously present.

Third day: visit to an indigenous tribe. Remote, self-sufficient, very real. The living conditions were… reduced. The dogs looked like they were from a sad documentary. We gave the children food, which felt somewhat meaningful for a moment. Then back to camp.

Last shower, last drama. Back at camp, a hairy giant spider crawled into my clothes – right on my hand. I screamed like a teenager in a 90s horror movie, but the people were quick to intervene and prevented my dramatic demise. Then back to Manaus. Flight to Recife.

Conclusion: Lots of nature, many animals, a lot of alcohol. No one died. Lina thought it was good too. That alone speaks for the program. We would do it again. Probably.