You should leave when it's the most beautiful..

Hello! - by now no longer from Dublin, but from a family vacation in Denmark.

The adventure in Ireland ended for me last Friday with my return flight to Berlin. I had already started writing this final article at the airport, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time and, honestly, the motivation and emotional distance to organize my thoughts and reflect on them again. I was also not sure what to write about. My favorite places? The most beautiful memories? The great people I met who inspired me and even became my friends? My feelings during these 9 months and the difficult phases when I wanted to fly home? Because there is no short answer to the question: 'How was it?' I will still try and apologize in advance for the length.

The last weeks in Dublin were probably the most beautiful for me and I think I lived them completely differently.

Because as soon as you realize that all the beautiful things you take for granted here in your everyday life may be experienced for the last time, you become a little nostalgic and try to enjoy and capture every moment. I can vividly remember some of these situations.

One example would be my last weekend trip with some friends to the west coast of Ireland in a rickety, leaky bus, which gave us all the feeling of an uncomplicated road trip and allowed us to experience that it is possible to surf within a day in summer and sit freezing by the fireplace in winter temperatures.

I also spent a lot of time in Dublin and I was always impressed by how much there is still to discover after such a long time. I don't think I need to mention again how much Dublin has grown dear to my heart! (even though I'm doing it right now). I spent so many weekends there with my friends, visited great places and met people. I was also out in the evenings more often and I liked the feeling of strolling through the colorful hustle and bustle of the city and sitting down somewhere and just listening to the music. One of my highlights in Dublin is definitely the cafe "The Clockwork Door," which I have already mentioned. It is located in the midst of the Temple Bar district, by the River Liffey and inconspicuous. But the events I participated in there are definitely among my favorites. I still remember the first time I went to an event called "Drink & Draw." We painted a portrait in the style of Picasso to the music of Queen and Abba. Another event that will always stay in my heart was called "Storytelling." However, it was not storytelling in the conventional sense - no storyteller was booked, but volunteers from the audience sat in front and told one of their stories to an unknown group of people. We listened to a very touching text on the topic of travel and home, heard stories of an unintentional car theft and a 24-hour shift that ended with disappointed guests of an event group throwing various disgusting things around and the floor had to be scrubbed with a toothbrush. There were also very moving life events or experiences shared, which in a way conveyed a moral to us and refocused our attention on the really important things in life.

But it's not just about Dublin as a city in general, but also my last visits to all the charming suburbs. This includes, for example, my last afternoon in People's Park in Dun Laoghaire, where a food market is held every Sunday and invites you to indulge in culinary delights. It was a perfect day for Irish conditions with sunshine and spring temperatures, and I spent a few hours there with a friend, listening to a man playing his keyboard on a bench next to the fountain.

Other favorites for me are definitely the two towns Bray and Greystones, which are connected by a beautiful cliff walk with a view of the sea. I fondly remember the mornings when I had breakfast with my friends at my favorite cafe "The Happy Pear" (it's so popular that people often stand down the street to eat there), or when I hiked up Bray Head (a mountain) to enjoy the view all the way to Dublin. All these moments made me forget the everyday stress and taught me how great it is to live in the present and savor a moment to the fullest.

One thing I will also miss very much are the countless pub visits, which were special for so many reasons. I remember evenings when I met up with friends to play board games or listen to bands. The moments when everyone celebrated together, sang along, and simply let loose will always stay with me. I especially associate the feeling of being in the right place at the right time and capturing the moment forever with these memories.

These are just examples, and I would love to continue writing about them and more, but even after many hours I still wouldn't be finished.

Apart from the places I just mentioned, saying goodbye to the people I had the opportunity to meet was even harder. I had to say goodbye to some of my friends before my own departure, and in those moments it also made me realize that my time here would come to an end. And accepting that or letting it sink in seemed impossible to me until a few days before my flight. It's a strange feeling to say goodbye to a friend whom you haven't known for very long, even though you've spent so much time with them and shared so many memories. Some of them come from other countries or live in completely different parts of Germany, making it much harder to maintain contact in the future. But the feeling that the others have already - or will soon go home as well, was reassuring.

It's different with the people I had to leave behind in Ireland. And that especially includes the people in the dementia home. I spent so much time with them that I have become very fond of them. Both the employees and the residents. And as I write these lines, I miss them very much. Saying goodbye there was both beautiful and difficult at the same time. They showed me so much gratitude again with kind words, personally written cards, and chocolates that I can't help but keep them in my heart. The hardest thing to accept is that the residents probably won't "actively" remember me anymore because of their illness, and I don't know what my next visit will be like. I didn't expect that it would affect me so much when I started spending time with them. In fact, I think I spent more hours with them than with my host family (simply because of my limited duties as an au pair). But I look back so fondly on the hours with them in the home and the conversations in their "good" moments that showed me their personalities, how much they have learned about life, and their heartfelt words to me. All of this is now even more evident to me.

Saying goodbye to my host family was also sad, but I think that's normal after living with them for 9 months (even though we didn't do much together otherwise).

Consequently, the last weeks were intense on the one hand because I was so busy either meeting people or just walking along the beach in the evening sunset and thinking. And on the other hand, because of my often fluctuating emotions when thinking about going home - from looking forward to the summer (!) with my family and friends from Cottbus, to just wanting to stay in Ireland and being confused about what I should actually think and feel?? This time it was simply a different way of saying goodbye. When I came to Ireland, saying goodbye was definitely harder for me than it is now, but for the reason that I had no idea what to expect and had never been away from home for so long. However, this time I had to leave behind everything I had built up, and I know that this chapter of my life is really over and it will never be the same as before.

In retrospect, aside from being happy to have my family and friends from home around me again, I feel a lot of gratitude.

I have learned to deal with difficult situations, built up my own daily routine, and learned to appreciate the freedom to make my own decisions completely independently. I know myself better and have a completely different basic trust - in myself and in my ability to cope with difficult situations.

So I also thank myself for forcing myself to make this decision back then (which was definitely the best decision of my life) and for allowing myself to grow and gain these valuable experiences.

I have experienced all the feelings and emotions during my year abroad more intensely than before in Germany. I think this has to do with the fact that I was simply on my own and dealt a lot with myself. I have learned what it feels like to be simply happy from within, but also to endure negative emotions.

Personally, what I consider most important are the people I have known. At first, it was difficult for me to approach people openly, but over time I realized how easy it is. I have had so many great conversations with people of different backgrounds, ages, or lifestyles. And that is exactly what has inspired me a lot, especially to go through the world more freely, to judge less, and to question things independently of widely held views and to consider them from even more perspectives. It's great to meet people who have come to Ireland from completely different contexts or who live their lives in a certain way. From all these conversations, I could keep ideas and approaches - generally becoming more open-minded and always trying to step out of my own little bubble.

For me, "home" has become a feeling, it is where the people are with whom I feel most comfortable, and that can be in several places.

I'm a little sad that this will be my last blog post, but I want to take the opportunity to thank everyone who accompanied me on this journey and regularly read my texts here or supported me in other ways and always lent me an ear - to share both the beautiful and the difficult moments.

Thank you ❤️

Best regards - Hanna