Fast, declutter, shed baggage, turn inward...

It has been over a week since I left the wonderful Sanctuary, it feels much longer as many new adventures have happened in such a short time.

However, I don't want to withhold my fasting experience from you, after all I deliberately started my journey with fasting in the hope of arriving at myself first and being able to consciously shape the rest of the journey. Sometimes it works better, sometimes worse, but that is more due to emotional entanglements at home, which are sometimes beautiful and at the same time very challenging for me.

WHY FASTING AND WHY FOR SO LONG?

There are fasting programs ranging from 3.5 to 10.5 days. When booking, I thought to myself - 'all or nothing' - because it said 'full cleanse' and that's exactly what I wanted. It was probably a bit brave, especially since I had never fasted before, I was looked at with big eyes by many fellow fasters and at some point I wondered myself what I was thinking. In the end, I could have stopped at any time, no problem. But I persisted, without having to torture myself excessively.

Everyone has their own reasons for fasting, their own story that motivates them. Some come from all over the world to Koh Phangan every year to give their body and soul a break. Burnout, emergency brake, overweight, shedding unhealthy eating habits, curiosity, crisis-ridden life events, the desire for physical and spiritual cleansing - there are more than enough reasons.

For me, it was the desire to shed baggage. After the breakup, I kept most of the furniture, I had financed most of it. Many of them involved a lot of work, we had collected them together, sanded them and varnished them, usually it took two rounds. What was spread across three rooms, I crammed into one room and felt like I was suffocating, I couldn't move, it was dark and I had a strong desire to free myself. Over several months, I ruthlessly cleared out, sold most of it, and felt more and more liberated with each piece. The emptier my room became, the more comfortable I felt. I came into contact with the concept of minimalism and I really like the idea of not being tied down by as few material possessions as possible, it has a therapeutic aspect, the focus on the essential sharpens, there are fewer distractions.

With a friend (Jenny, that's you), I came across the book 'Feng Shui and the Clutter of Everyday Life', it was a great inspiration, especially the last chapter. It's about how you can declutter your body, or more specifically your intestines. I found it only consistent and logical to continue the months-long decluttering in this way and to do something good for my body by allowing it to flush out 31 years of accumulated toxins, focusing on regeneration and also shedding the last emotional baggage. I was also curious about the experience.

HOW DOES FASTING WORK?

The Wellness Center at the Sanctuary is specifically for fasting visitors, a place to meet, relax, and sip broth together every evening. The restaurant as a meeting place was out of the question, nobody was that masochistic.

Ultimately, from 7 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., you take something every 1.5 hours, almost no calories and a minimum of fructose - definitely no industrial sugar and nothing solid. Chewing was completely eliminated during this time.

Day after day, the body expends a lot of energy processing all the rubbish that we often put into it, sometimes it can hardly keep up. Fat, among other things, causes the inner walls of the intestinal tract to become slimy, so that nutrients - even with a change in diet - are only partially absorbed and unused. When fasting, you give your body a valuable break from this effort, now it can use the energy to regenerate, renew cells, and repair. It is like a rejuvenation.

Four times a day, there is a shake made of water, psyllium husks, clay, and freshly squeezed watermelon juice for taste. You make the 7 a.m. shake yourself, unfortunately without juice, you just have to endure it, it was not a pleasure for me, but others didn't mind. You get the other shakes at the Wellness Center. The psyllium husks act like a broom on the inner walls of the small and large intestines, while the clay binds everything and removes it. In between the shakes, you take six herbal pills. They provide the body with nutrients and are supposed to support detoxification. In the evening at 7 p.m., instead of a shake, there is a warm vegetable broth, of course without vegetables, but optionally with lime juice and spicy seasoning, no salt. My highlight was the coconut, more precisely the coconut water, unfortunately the meat was off limits. That was the one moment of the day when I felt really satisfied. The best thing about it is that all the fasters sit together at one table and chat.

It was possible to endure this program for ten days, but sometimes it was quite monotonous in terms of cuisine. In between, I fantasized mainly about a good German whole grain bread, but luckily that's no longer the case, because strangely enough, you don't find it on every street corner in Thailand. Then I had already heard relatively early on that they serve chocolate cake with cashews at the restaurant. The idea stuck with me and I thought no matter what happens, I'm definitely going to eat it before I move on. And then it wasn't available when I could eat again... Fortunately, the brownies helped me get over it. Before going to bed, I take a probiotic capsule because a large part of the intestinal flora is eliminated, but those little bacteria are our hardworking helpers in processing food and are needed, especially when it comes to slowly approaching eating again.

So, dear ones, now comes a section that many will most likely find unappetizing, so skip to the next section - last warning - it's about self-administered colonics. Don't worry, I won't go into detail, but it was a daily procedure and an essential part of detoxification. I had the pleasure of spending a very intimate time with my body a total of eleven times. Mr. Moo, the good soul of the detoxification program, demonstrated to an Englishman and me in his lively and unmistakable, partly difficult to understand, but extremely likable Thai-English, how the whole thing works. Of course, he kept his clothes on for that. I'll post a picture of my little bathroom, that's easier than explaining it. In the end, the goal was to let about 10 liters of coffee solution run into the intestines in stages, as much as possible at once, and then 'dispose' of it. The coffee is said to help the liver release all the toxins that you want to get rid of. Once I postponed my session a bit, so the last shake had been a while ago and that was not good. I felt like I had drunk a pot of black coffee on an empty stomach - strange, why was my stomach empty... - that's where I don't usually drink it. Fortunately, that was only the case once.

You would think that after ten days there wouldn't be much left to flush out. How wrong I was... Ten days without solid food - with all the fluids, I had to go to the bathroom more often than ever - well, some clay and psyllium husks had to come out... It was less, but the zero point was still far away every day. What is missing is the big business alongside the colonics. We all thought, my goodness, what else is still in my body, it's really astonishing.

HOW WAS IT FOR ME?

As I said, fasting was not excessive torture. The worst day was the first day, I was so hungry and then there were the headaches - sugar withdrawal in the early stages is no fun. After that, it was fine, the fantasizing about food did not reach agonizing dimensions. The days were filled and flew by. I constantly had to remember to consume something, then there were the colon cleanses, yoga, meditation, reading, hammock, conversations, reiki, tarot, diary and blog writing, massages - there was definitely no boredom.

On the fifth day, I was initially full of energy and went out for a walk in the midday heat a bit too enthusiastically. It lasted almost two hours, up and down the hills. When I came back, I desperately needed a freshly squeezed apple juice. You wouldn't believe how delicious it was! After that, I was simply done and couldn't do any more. During the broth time, I was completely uncommunicative, withdrew internally, and went to the beach to shed a few tears. I had probably asked too much of myself. But then it was okay again.

The intestines, more precisely the small intestine, which is directly connected to the stomach, is referred to as the second brain or memory. That's where the emotions are said to be seated. It's no coincidence that there are sayings like 'trust your gut feeling!' and 'it upsets my stomach.' Our intuition, instincts, and all the feelings we have experienced since our conception are located there. Accordingly, when fasting, it can also happen that pent-up emotions are released. I was very curious to see if it would happen to me too. However, apart from that one afternoon and evening, there were no noteworthy incidents in this regard.

I had to take breaks during yoga from the second half onwards, I couldn't hold many asanas for as long anymore, I couldn't go up the stairs as quickly, I could spend hours in the hammock. You slow down, many things become slower, but I never felt bad, there was still surprisingly much energy in many areas. I find it extremely remarkable how the body does this, it is truly a miracle, it switches to ketosis - goes to the fat reserves and does its thing. Incredible!

It was an intense time that I spent with my mortal shell, I listened to my body a lot, perceived its limits and increasingly respected them, met it lovingly, and learned to appreciate it in a whole new way. The colonics contributed significantly to this. My stomach received a daily massage - from left to right, to help the coffee solution make its way inward, and the other way around to achieve the opposite. I had to listen very closely to myself, with increasing routine, this procedure even became meditative.

After the last cleanse, I suddenly became emotional. I looked into my little bathroom, became sentimental, a valuable experience came to an end, and I felt infinite gratitude for this wonderful place and these wonderful people who made all this possible for me.

EATING AGAIN - HOW EXCITING!

Almost even more exciting than fasting itself was breaking the fast. Digestion had almost completely rested over time, and the intestinal flora has to be rebuilt - you have to cautiously approach eating again, otherwise your body will give you the receipt - nausea, cramps, diarrhea, constipation, etc.

Together with Julia, another German, I ended the fast. We took the first step into the restaurant together. On the 11th day, there was a bowl of one type of fruit at lunchtime, I chose papaya. Watermelon and apple were also available. Holding a fork in my hand again, chewing - I was actually a bit excited and couldn't wait. I chewed slowly and enjoyably, the taste explosion didn't happen, but it was fascinating to literally and consciously feel the stomach fill up with solid food, it was a wonderful feeling. After that, I was really full and blissful.

Later, I overdid it. I treated myself to a coconut smoothie - without milk, without sugar, but with crushed coconut meat. It was very tasty, but in the end, it didn't agree with me, I felt nauseous. Coconut meat is rich, it has a lot of fat - so on the first day, my stomach clearly disagreed with it. Fortunately, there is Mr. Moo, the savior in an emergency with his unappetizing magic powder, which quickly provides relief, at least... In the following days, there was mainly raw food, the first mango on the second day was a poem. Nuts were added to the salads, on the third day, there was the first dairy product - yogurt - I tolerated it well, after my coconut trauma, I was a bit cautious. But what had to be there was the cake, which fortunately did not give me any trouble. Suddenly, my stomach started making noises again, it was bubbling, it was exciting to feel so clearly how digestion picks up speed again, starts working again.

By now, I can eat everything again and sometimes put quite a strain on my poor body. Some may suspect it - I often crave cola, also cookies... But if I overdo it, eat and drink too much different things, I noticeably feel that I'm not doing myself any favors, I have become more attentive, this feeling of fullness that I used to simply accept is extremely unpleasant to me since fasting, I don't like this heaviness at all. I haven't dared to eat meat again. Interestingly, that's a threshold that I don't want to cross. I admit, I occasionally eat shrimp and seafood. The thought of chicken and the like puts me off, it's similar with eggs. I have had two beers since then and could just as well have done without them, alcohol doesn't agree with me. I also chew my food much more thoroughly, take my time with my meals, and hope that I will keep that up.

What matters is not only what you eat, but also how. It makes a difference whether you stuff something into yourself on the side and possibly feel guilty about the piece of pizza or whether you eat consciously and in peace, welcoming the food in your body. All of this is supposed to affect how the body absorbs the food, whether it reacts positively or negatively. To me, that sounds plausible and logical. We all know the difference.

We just have to learn to listen to our bodies more, it tells us exactly what it needs, what is good for it, and what is not.