Little creatures

I saw pictures and videos of myself as children this morning. That was the first time I heard myself talk as a child. I was so small and innocent and at the same time I think it's a bit pick me, I'm very ashamed. But only because my sister always annoyed me. I still love her. But I found the thought so crazy that there was a whole little creature with its own personality and that same creature is me, but I don't even know that little creature that I saw. I have so few memories of the things I said and did and felt. Like it's someone else, but it's me, 16 years earlier. And then I also thought: don't be so picky about me, but also: protect her at all costs. And who least protects this small (now large) creature? This bitch. We were all once small and innocent and way too cute for this world and now we're big and grown up and stupid. Because we no longer say stupid things like we used to, because we no longer play, get lost in stories, cry, let out our feelings and reveal them to the world, because we no longer live every day carefree and exuberant like we did when we left school came and immediately made his way to the swimming pool. Back then, you lived like that, it just followed day after day and you just went along with it. You didn't even question why you live and why you are the way you are, or why you look the way you look and whether that's good or bad. The world was such a colorful place. The stories you read back then felt like you were there yourself. You were in a flying tree house or a huge castle where everyone was waving wooden sticks around and reciting magic spells. With each passing year, more prejudices, thoughtfulness, worries and fears came into the life of this annoying little creature and suddenly he could no longer leave his presence to quickly dive into the world of adventure. The little creature had so much fun, every day. Everything was a big adventure. It climbed trees and entertained itself in those trees for hours without being bored for a second. It made up games and took on multiple roles. I could do everything. I was just me and I liked myself. Or rather, I didn't think about whether I thought I was good or stupid. People never believed adults when they said we should enjoy this time because it is the most beautiful time in life and because it goes by so quickly. And now we're the ones telling kids to enjoy these years. Even though we know they won't understand. They have no concept of time and life at all. The seriousness of life hit me when I was exactly 13 years old and it completely overwhelmed me like a huge green Hot Wheels monster truck. Alcohol changed me. Fun. At 12 I was still a child, exactly the same as 3 years before. At 13, I was a kid who thought he was an adult. I started taking things so terribly seriously. I wanted to grow up as quickly as possible. Leaving my childhood behind. I didn't realize that I was pushing this wonderful little creature, whom I wanted to protect at all costs, down a cliff. I really hope I didn't disappoint you. I hope she would like me. Children are so intuitive. Baby P would know immediately if I was a good person. Some people have this incredibly beautiful ability to maintain that childlike happiness without being cringe. There are also those who are basically children in adult bodies, they're just weird. Grow up. But don't grow up. I wish we could be a little more like we were back when everything was fun and we laughed so much that we all had tiny six pack abs. And it's in all of us - we were all children once. Somewhere deep down there is a sweet little person who only wanted good things for his fellow human beings and the world. It hurt so much that the earthworm had to die. So remember your childhood, quit the CDU and stop eating little baby cows. And don't be so hard on yourself. Think about your little self and be kind to yourself. I think she would be really proud of the person she has become. She sometimes wondered what she would be like when she turned 18. Or 21. That old? She couldn't even imagine that at the time. She would be so proud of the person you are now. Good night, friends. Love each other, love your fellow human beings, love your pets, love your dearest friend Pauli, because they don't love themselves enough. <3