New week new luck

I'm writing right now because I feel like I should. That's exactly what I wanted to avoid. But maybe I force myself to do it because I know it's good for me. Just start writing, something will come of it. Maybe I didn't feel like writing as much last week. Because suddenly so much was gone that had just been there. On Wednesday I woke up and suddenly someone who had been there my whole life was no longer there. She wasn't always physically with me, but she was always there. Less so in recent years, but it was there. Living, breathing, present. Now there's a hole and my brain can't really understand where she is now. Where do people go when they "cease to exist"? And do they really do that? And why does it feel like a small part of me has gone with her? I am now the sole owner of all the memories that I had shared only with her. A whole life and a soul are simply gone. There were things only she knew. Now no one will ever know. Maybe that's why I record everything I feel and experience - so no one has to wonder who I was when I leave. I write down even the most banal things. Sometimes I put the apple sticker in my diary. And everything has to be recorded by hand. You can tell my mood pretty well from my writing. Stressed, sad, happy, chilled, annoyed. When I read this years later, I have a direct connection to that moment when my pen touched the page and left a mark. And then I know which apple I will eat on August 27th. I ate at 5:33 p.m. Maybe I'm just afraid of being forgotten. A little digression into things that should be reserved for my future therapist. On Wednesday evening I did something with my mexas for the last time. Then we said goodbye for half an hour somewhere on the street and I gave them my parting gift. Again, I just couldn't believe it would be the last time. If the person is still there, I always can't imagine what it will be like when they're suddenly no longer there. That's why it wasn't until 1-2 days later that I really realized that they were gone. Although, it still hasn't really sunk in for me. Because they were just there. And yes, it's not forever, we can visit each other anytime, but we will never live in the same city again, let alone 5 minutes away from each other. I'll love her forever, but that kind of friendship where you see each other every day is just over. 3 goodbyes in 2 days didn't have to happen. But sometimes events like this wake you up a little from your everyday reverie. And give you a new perspective. You don't learn from monotony. Missing someone always shows how important a person is to you. The last 2 days, actually since I said goodbye to my boss on Friday, I've felt a bit lonely. The only person I really wanted to see couldn't this weekend. I wanted to fall asleep in her arms and just be calm. But don't be alone. After all, I watched a really bad Christmas movie yesterday, the name of which I don't even want to tell you, you don't have to go through that. After spending the day with people today, I realized how much I needed this. Just a little social contact. And after my 1 1/2 days of boredom and loneliness (which I perhaps needed), I feel like new. Maybe it was the shower haha. But above all, these few hours with my cousin, his situation and a friend were so valuable that I am now ready for a working Monday. I'm actually looking forward to the whole week. Despite work. Maybe because of work. New week new luck. I love you, besitos<3