Caravanlife 5.0 (unwanted) surprises

Spain is a great country, spring makes it special because now everything is green and blooming, it is a color spectacle, this renewal of nature. This is now time for me to reflect a little.

We've been on the road since August, so surprises were of course to be expected. Palumbi is not yet roadworthy again, unfortunately we are now waiting for a brake drum, which is currently still in the mail. That's not easy for Christian and me, emotions sometimes run high, even if I don't like it.

Since we were stranded in Casablanca, my immune system and my psyche have pretty much caught up with me. I managed the journey without incident, drove us safely from A to B and caught Christian when he had doubts. I didn't have many alternatives for a walk locally, the two routes in a local recreation area had the aura of danger, because there were apparently a few drug sellers around here, and not only once did I have the impression that the two black sniffing noses were on my face On the side, these men were barely kept away, one only turned away when Nerone growled at him with his fur raised. In addition, there were really aggressive street dogs in comparison, which didn't make the situation any easier. I moved less than usual and yoga was only partially possible due to the turbulent information. I meditated every day, but my frustration really built up.

I need my autonomy, I want recognition, but when it comes to Palumbi and the crisis surrounding our caravan, it tends to go to Christian and that annoys me. I have no part in the broken brake, but I am also not the person who repairs the caravan. That doesn't mean that I don't work for Christian, but that's often overlooked by others. I drive the routes, I walk the dogs, I do the shopping, I cook, I make sure everything is OK inside, but I'm not involved in the brakes. My part in the mess is lost in every conversation, it drains me.

I work on myself every day, I've been meditating since January not only when I wake up, but also in the afternoon, it's good for me and usually brings me back down to earth. The anger I have towards myself, which boils up in the stupidest situations, doesn't just go away. It was important for me to recognize that this anger comes from within me, and that the offense is also within me. But knowledge does not necessarily mean that everything will be better or so different from now on. A guide says you should channel your anger into creative channels, but I haven't been able to do that yet. SODA = STOP, OBSERVE, DETACH, ACT DIFFERENTLY doesn't always work either.

Yoga only works well for me when I'm calm enough inside. I managed to do that most days, but on days with a lot of kilometers I sometimes let it slide; in Casablanca it was relatively rare. That's not an excuse, it's just that I want to stay on task because I haven't lost sight of my "healthy habits".

Now we are in Spain, but the relief that Christian was hoping for has not yet come. He organized the brake drum, found someone with the help of his brother who hopefully made it suitable for us, but now the package is still in the mail and we have been in Tarifa for over a week now. Easter is approaching and with it the first high season of the year here in Spain, it feels like nothing is moving forward.

I had a freak out in Asilah and then Christian got angry the other day. The 12metriquadrati don't make it any easier, my thoughts weren't great afterwards, I'm working on it. But unfortunately it's not easy to cope with the fact that I think about birthdays with more devotion than others because I don't want to offend anyone. I don't want to accuse anyone of ill will, but I was struck by the fact that some people I consider friends didn't report anything. Is it out of sight and out of mind? I don't know, I just notice that I'm more fragile at the moment than I was 3 months ago, so many things come together, first Palumbi, then my immune system isn't great at the moment, unfortunately my weight is too high and then today there's Nerone got sick and had to go to the vet, on top of my birthday blues. That shouldn't be a justification for my diffuse thoughts, everything is draining on me, I have to process it, I have to work on myself, but it's not easy for me right now.

The two black people partially support me here, because they are steadfastly at my side. They walk through the sand and mud with me, it doesn't bother them...

I will grow with the situation, I already see "the silver lining" or the light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, I also have to take action on myself again, because there is some truth in the statement that I can choose whether it will be a good day or a bad day. Despite everything, I still have hope that Christian and I can travel further to Portugal with Palumbi, that we can hopefully make it back to the island that just won't let me go.

My best friend has already lifted me up a bit here, everyone has ups and downs in life, she is currently experiencing similar things. But hope dies last!