Over there.

Atlantic Waves

defined by endless movement
prone to constant forming
still no grasp for shape
the waves fades with lustfull tumble
what a sudden end

scurry winds agitate
but the breathing of the Ocean
gasps a gentle wave

the Sea gives me sight

sole in the blue
Out here, none experiences the wave
the vessel scends into the crest

I wanna start to interact
but we're driven by different forces
I'm just a guest.

Where do I start? We were on the Atlantic for a little over three weeks. Check that out. Just water. Maybe I'll start with the water.
It's super fascinating and hard to describe. It captivated me so much that I wrote the above poem or text.
Phew, what an inspiration. From the first day, I sat on the deck and watched the waves. The movements, the texture of the ocean, and the sounds really got to me.
At the same time, I had a different feeling from the first day. It didn't bother me, but it was important to notice. The ocean is a wild place, in terms of being untouched or rustic. There are no forest trails or prepared areas here. And hunting is at your own risk. I am a guest here. This is not my environment. Despite this perception, I never felt in danger. But there's no one else here! Even the flies died after a week. We only saw one other sailing ship. It should be mentioned that the three weeks were all sunny and no storm. The route is also known as the Barefoot Route. But back to the water.

I've never experienced the waves and the ocean like this before. Actually, the fascination with the water was intensified when I climbed up the rigging, up to the level of the waves. From up there, I could see the broad movements of the waves, like the heavy and sluggish breathing of the water. Very soothing, and up there, I had a bit of privacy.
Oh, and the bioluminescent plankton is the shit. During the first night watch, I wasn't sure if anything was really glowing. I thought maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. Then Nicole brought a bucket of seawater on board and said, 'Swirl the water with your hand.' Wow, suddenly I could see the glowing particles. Everywhere the ship created a wave, it started to glow. Super fascinating.
And then dolphins just swim alongside the ship and jump out of the water. But the most amazing thing to see was flying fish. What's up with them? Sure, they swim, but they also escape from predators by flying, I don't know, maybe 50 meters above the waves. Why not.
And when was the last time I saw so many stars or witnessed a moonrise? Oh, and the lunar eclipse. All included.

That's a lot of what happened around us. So what was daily life like on the 44-meter steel heap?

I was on the Captain's Watch. It goes from 8-12 a.m. and p.m. It's closest to a 'normal' sleep schedule. We were woken up at 7 a.m. Breakfast is at 7:30. Handover is at 8, where we switch with the three of us in the watch, taking turns steering every 40 minutes. Besides that, there are Cleaning Duties to be done. These change from week to week. Either cleaning the toilets, the galley, or the foxhole. Once the cleaning is done, the Bosun comes and assigns you some job. Some maintenance work on the ship.
The problem with the Captain's Watch is that the Captain always wants to do the maneuvers. At the beginning, a maneuver took two hours. Now we're down to 40 minutes for a tack. But after that physical exertion, there's not much time left for maintenance and cleaning.
Well, after 4 hours, there's a handover again, and lunch. Dinner is planned for 6 p.m. That's how it goes from Monday to Saturday.

On Saturday, there's also a fire and abandon-ship drill. Making sure everyone knows their tasks, going through the procedures, and answering any questions that come up. We have to know how to behave if a fire breaks out or the Captain gives the order to abandon ship. It's important, very important! There's no one there to help, and it takes time for rescue to arrive. If there are problems, we have to solve them. If the watermaker doesn't work, we have to come up with a solution. If we have bugs in our provisions, we have to inspect everything we have for food every day, even more thoroughly. Both of these have happened. Out there, we were all alone.

On Sunday, there's no work, just steering. Sunday is also the Captain's Reception. A small meeting where everyone, including Rasmus, gets a bit of rum and cake. Rasmus is the god of the seas and the winds, or something like that.

So that's an overview of the daily routines. What did I do?

In the first week, I had to get used to it, see how I spend my time. Get to know the procedures. Create some structure for myself. After the watch, a little nap, some yoga on the cargo, reading something or listening to music. In the Captain's Watch, I actually had 8 hours of free time, a lot of time, which I took for myself. With the two years of therapy, I've dealt with a lot of topics, even independently of that, I consider myself reflective. Especially here, far away from everything, from home, from people, or from the city, the topics come up where I cry and give myself time and try to listen to myself, and a few times, I've even tried to hug little Pepe. INSIDER.

But most of the time, I talked or sang with people. By now, I've found common ground with everyone. In some cases, I've even developed a really intimate connection with some of them. The only person who caused problems in the three weeks was the Captain.

The views on appreciation and respectful interactions are quite different on the ship. This overshadowed the second week quite a bit. In fact, I considered leaving the ship, and I wasn't alone in that. But now that's no longer the case. But this concentration of power in the person of the Captain is uncomfortable for me.

I have no experience of sailing in stormy seas or in bad weather. The potential danger of a storm has always been the justification for hierarchies on ships. Someone has to make clear decisions. Regardless of the structural considerations, I would like to experience a storm or heavy seas to be able to say whether I can work on boats. It also helps me to think about possible hierarchy structures on ships.

Maybe my dream of escaping our market-driven structures and the pressure of wage labor through professional sailing was a bit naive and arrogant. It's even worse on ships. Sailing freight has always been overshadowed by time pressure and delivery dates. Nevertheless, I am grateful for the experience. Now I know the extremes. How is it with your boss or employer, who also has a duty of care and authority on a ship and you can't escape. Something inside me died a little bit.

In response to such strong emotions, I indulged in escapism. One day, I started reading a book. There's a box of books here, a really great thing. It's called 'The End of Loneliness' by Benedict Wells. I already knew the author and wanted to read another work of his. On the first day, I inhaled 200 pages in one go. The next day, I finished the remaining 180. It was intense. I was completely lost, kind of detached from reality. I hadn't experienced that before.

Well, all of this really affected me, as people considered leaving and no solution was found. So we called a meeting for us shipmates, where we wanted to inform everyone that Bele had told the Captain that he would leave the ship in Marie-Galante. We wanted to create a space where everyone could talk about their concerns or discomfort, and then we wanted to confront the Captain with it. I volunteered to talk to the Captain and start the conversation.

Wow, that really went wrong. When I told him that we wanted to talk to him, he lost his temper very controlled manner. He said, 'No, we're doing this now.' Actually, I wanted to confront him as a group. It ended up being just Bele, me, and eventually Jan. It didn't quite work out for Cornelius to understand that it's not about individual problems but about structural issues. Our meeting was also seen as a small rebellion or splitting of the crew and formation of factions. It was anything but easy to take the wind out of the Captain's sails during the conversation. We didn't finish it.

Despite the problems during the conversation, the atmosphere changed. It became more pleasant somehow.

The third week was very pleasant and harmonious. I was able to imagine working on ships again because the work is really exciting.

Actually, the Captain even praised me once. In the last few days, it felt strange to know that we would soon see land again. That we're getting closer and closer. And then, on my birthday, we actually arrived in St. Louis on Marie-Galante. We're anchoring here in a bay.
To swim in the Caribbean and jump off the ship on my birthday, the cook made a delicious lasagna, accompanied by a chocolate-avocado cake, and in the evening, we went to a beach bar with races in the water. It was all very rewarding. One liter of rum costs five euros. HUST HUST. It was a fulfilling evening where everyone got along very well, even with the Captain.

Well, I sailed across the fucking Atlantic. We didn't even turn on the engine. Not once. It's pretty awesome that it's possible. Of course, it takes a bit of time and it's not without danger, but it can be done. Actually, Cornelius is planning to build a second ship that will also take passengers.

After the crossing, I understand all the superstitions of seafaring. I have some understanding of the Earth and certain physical things. But sailing across more than 300 years ago, the ocean glowing at night, everything looking the same. Sometimes, there's a huge fin in the water. You're at the mercy of the weather. Water in wooden barrels starts to mold after two days. It's only since the existence of steel barrels that water can be taken. Back then, they just drank alcohol. They were all heavy drinkers. Or Columbus, they thought the Earth ends there, and then he just kept going west, towards the end. Haha.

Without today's education, I would definitely go crazy.

Now I'm over there. It's beautiful here. I like the people. The water is very clear. Diving is fun. I'm enjoying my time. I'm doing pretty well here.
Oh, and I have hair again.

Summing up the three weeks isn't easy, I'm sure I'll remember more things. The last five photos are by Christoph Bogner. Very pleasant person, we get along very well.

That's it for now, it's already a lot.