Hirnwichserei

Well, now he sits there, the unworthy traveler...

On a floating prison heading towards Ireland and can only hope that the captain of this barge is not a direct descendant of some wooden-legged, salt-encrusted pirate captain who needs liters of rum in his veins so that he can walk straight and not accidentally rape a sleeping manatee because he confused it with a half-naked mermaid who liked to make herself comfortable near him and was writhing around in a horny, erotic way.

He now has 3.5 hours to thoroughly jerk off his brain, this dishonorable gaijin!

So what should he tell his most precious, most precious reading buddies during his intellectual masturbation?

Well first of all, today is Friday, my lovely, admirable reading circle members!

Many of you will therefore soon put down your tools, open a nice, cold beer, look for a suitable sexual partner, then mount him persistently for minutes, lie around on the playground with a somewhat satisfied grin on your face and indulge in the finest idleness you can imagine at the weekend.

The following Monday you will go to work with a fully charged battery (maybe even to Vienna...), look into those wonderful, smiling, appreciative faces of other people that you may have already met in a traffic jam on the motorway and by Tuesday you will be longing to express your opinion several times to someone with a sawed-off, loaded shotgun.

On the other hand, there are such scum as the unworthy Gaijin!

It doesn't matter what day of the week, because he's always on mental vacation, always hanging around somewhere, breathing heavily and overfed, doesn't think about wanting to mate with anyone (because it's faaaaar too stressful) and he doesn't know idleness because that's simply the permanent state of this person who is unnecessarily present.

He simply ignores the traffic jam on the motorway (because he's speeding through on Bertha) and he is quite simply the reason why there are appreciative, smiling, back-slapping people at all, because he is such a damn great, always very sweet, nice and good-humoured guy and flowers are always blooming everywhere on his path, while the kinky deer couples take turns wildly mounting each other with unicorns (one horn is the best!) and digging their heels in (the Last Unicorn and Bamby are the worst pigs ever when they put the thumper in the middle).

What does that actually mean?

This really poor Schreibermeier here, yes, he really is in a terrible situation!

Why this?

Well, he doesn’t know what vacation and recharge are like!

Because that is his permanent state, this constant, complete feeling of being mentally and physically recovered, and because that is the case, he does not know what it is worth to others when they stagger exhausted into the weekend, look forward to their Sabbath sex that lasts for a few seconds and can then stroke their wrinkly, flabby bottoms with pleasure and endurance.

Remember, my dearest, most wonderful, most beautiful and most intelligent reading darlings:

While you are reading these lines, please send compassionate, warm thoughts to the dishonorable gaijin, because he is on vacation and cannot even notice it, since he is always and everywhere in a really good, super-duper mood and his whole life is like one big, never-ending rainbow!

So enough with the mental masturbation!

Starting tomorrow it's Ireland's turn!