Pot banging and coffee shower

And then splash, she tipped over.

In the last few days I've noticed my feet failing again. I can't lift them anymore, I get stuck, even though the floor is flat. Sometimes I'm afraid of falling. I've also told you before how scared I am of dropping things at work. I once spilled my full coffee cup on my pants. And today was that moment again. I grab it, feel strong. Pull it towards me, my hand becomes weak, shakes slightly. Splash, it falls over. They rushed to help me immediately. Is it like that now? Will it be like that? Will I be the one who needs help in the future?

Our dialysis senior doctor today denied my hopes of a port through which I could dialysis. No, I would need a shunt. I could start with the so-called shunt training if I wanted to. Training the veins so that they become big and strong...

I don't want that. I want the cryoglobulins to be negative tomorrow. I want

more time. More time to think. I don't want a shunt. What would that mean? Can I still work with it? Probably not! But I know that the negative result only means that the blood sample was not taken correctly. I know, and the professor knows too, that they are there. Everyone knows that this lymphoma is there. We just don't know where. Somewhere in my body. Like playing pin the tail on the donkey. You keep hitting the wrong spot.