Summer Flare

It's itchy everywhere. My toes have been itching like crazy for the past few days. At first, I thought they were mosquito bites and successfully pushed away the thought that this was just a sign of a flare. Red and swollen. Then it moved to my fingers. Ultimately, every joint hurt again. I stumble, my arms feel like I've been lifting heavy furniture. I realize that something is wrong and I ignore it as best as I can.

Last August, nothing worked anymore. 24/7 pain, no break.

And now it's starting again? A flare had already announced itself, then it was calm. And now it has returned even more violently.

My own fault. Instead of giving my body a break, I push it.

Maybe also consciously. I want to prove to myself that I can do it. And I definitely don’t want to show what’s going on inside me.

Little proteins clog my vessels, attach to my nerves, and block the muscles, and in the cold, they form crystals in groups of five, tearing my vessels apart and reducing blood flow. When it gets warm again, the crystals dissolve and I immediately feel pain. Everywhere. Wow. It's not so easy to keep my body temperature constantly at 37 degrees.

Cortisone in high doses would help me immediately. But remember what happened last time? Gained 10 kilograms in three months. Back then, I urgently needed those 10 kilograms due to severe weight loss, but not now.

I actually hoped I could live well for a few years. Perhaps with a little ache now and then. I’m in the “Wait and Watch” phase and I’d like to stay in this phase.

If I contact the professor now, I will be on the operating table faster than I would like and get a dialysis shunt.

So I keep my feet still; as best as I can. I behave inconspicuously. Just waiting, it will be alright again. I am much too strong to let something like this get me down💪🏻