Day 31: Torschlusspanik

07/30/2016

I simply cannot stand being under pressure, which is why I consistently try to avoid it. However, it happened again this year. Gudi celebrated my birthday a little over a month ago in a way that was unmatched. Consequently, this leads to the only possible conclusion: I should make an effort this time as well – and Gudi will turn 26 tomorrow!

Lost in pre-travel stress, I consciously pushed this thought to my subconscious and convinced myself that the coming months would offer some opportunities. The closer the day gets, the more nervous I become. This is primarily due to the fact that I still have absolutely no idea. In Malaysia, I tried to book various tours, but rather unsuccessfully. Clever as I am, despite this aforementioned lack of success, I strongly insisted on going to an area before and on the said birthday that lacks any Western standards – which includes the scarcity of WIFI and alternative activities (besides surfing).

Already feeling quite nervous, I'm trying to plan a boat trip to Asu, a remote, beautiful island on the way there and also look into fishing boats that could take us. It must be known that it is already difficult to keep a secret from Sherlock Gudi, but once her birthday approaches, it becomes an impossible mission to organize anything behind her back.

So you can imagine today, apart from some respectable surfing and getting to know nice Indonesians, as very stressful for me. On one hand, there is the pressure to quickly organize something meaningful for the birthday girl, and on the other hand, there are Gudi's elephantine ears that perceive sound waves, even through walls.

Nevertheless, I achieve the impossible: My research reveals that there is a woman on the beach who bakes wonderful cakes – her name is Mama Ria! I also managed to book a fish dinner for the next day – hopefully they will bite – if that falls through, I'll get wetter than the fish still is.

The only thing I still need is a meaningful gift or at least a voucher – but here too arises the question... where to get paper, printer, pen, ribbon or anything else.

Slightly worried and not quite happy with the results of the day, I fall asleep and hope for spontaneous inspiration in the night.

Gudi's glorious laws

Anyone who knows Gudi knows that keeping secrets from her is a project as monumental as the moon landing. The young lady, always inclined to discover ambushes as well as gossip and chatter, has even given herself the detective name Lola Schnabelweis.

At this point, for all those who ever want to surprise Gudi, the only way to be successful (locking her in a closet is not included as an option):

The most reasonable way to disable Gudi is to activate her conscience and also her self-pity. I can only work independently because I've been suggesting nonsense ideas for her birthday for days and telling her that I can't do it alone and that it would be impossible to hide anything from her anyway. This leads to Gudi getting concerned about the course of her special day and also her guilt or pity for me being invoked. That's why she consciously tries to keep her detective instinct under control. Like this, and probably only like this, can Gudi's snooping be turned off!