Foillsichte: 07.01.2021
I know, it has been a cut in this blog, but the lockdown came more than unexpected. Along the lockdown there also came loneliness, despair and a lot of time to think about one's own life.
The first few weeks, were alright and we were sill pretty optimistic, that it will be over soon.
Now, we are in the 10th week of a total lockdown. Before, I could never understand people complaining about the lockdown and feeling stressed and depressed. Right now, here I am and I can understand it to 100%.
The lockdown itself is not that hard. It is brutal to know that you don’t have the freedom anymore to go out for a walk, to go grocery shopping or to meet friends. It is weird to ask for permission to buy water, bread and vegetables. It is a strange feeling to be controlled by others. In addition to this, it makes it also very difficult to be in another country, on your own and without any knowledge about how this country works. You don’t know the boundaries or anything else. You just feel alone. Yes, sure I still meet some friends, and it is nice to meet them and spend some time together, but even by meeting someone else I always have a guilty conscience towards my fellow human beings. I just noticed by time it gets always harder, and the people you thought are always there for you, are not. I think we reached a certain point, where no one can really understand me. Not just me, I think most of the Erasmus students who are here in a foreign country, completely by their own. We all have our ups and downs and sometimes we just want to go home, but on the other side, we also want to complete our journey here and enjoy the time as good as possible.
Maybe it would be a little easier for me to deal with this situation, if my family and friends were supportive and empathetic. And wouldn't blame me for my emotional state and tell me, that I chose this for myself and that I need to live with the consequences. I am already aware of this, and hearing it from others does not make it easier for me. But I guess, sometimes people are just focused on their own life and problems. So, to wrap all my complaints up, I learned to be alone, I have learnt to be self-reliant and to deal with crisis situations on my own. I hope in the next post, I can go on with few but beautiful places we visited here in Greece.