Update on my everyday life: Volunteering in the nursing home and job as an au pair 🤔

Hellooooooo!

I have been living in Ireland for exactly 28 weeks now. Three quarters of my time here is over and a lot has changed for me in the past few weeks. I also realized that, if I remember correctly, I only mentioned my normal 'routine' during the week in my first blog entry. Especially when I think back to the three months before Christmas, it is quite astonishing how much my everyday life, but also my general mood, has changed now. That's why I want to write about what exactly is different today.

A while ago, one of my friends from Cottbus asked me if I am still an au pair and living with my host family. The answer is: Yes! :D But the question is not completely out of line, because I haven't mentioned my host family and my actual 'job' anymore. And the simple reason for that is that there is nothing to mention. This is not meant negatively, but the fact is that in this regard, nothing has changed for me since the beginning. My tasks are still the same: I wash and iron the children's clothes; take care of the kitchen in the morning and take the dog for a walk. I also make sure that the boys' room is at least basically tidy before they come home...because it's easiest to spread things from the wardrobe in the room when stressed (if you can't find the desired school sweater out of 10 identical ones), leave the dishes on the desk, and instead of hanging them back in the cupboard or throwing them in the laundry basket (which is in the same room), prefer to spread them on the floor. Slowly, I understand why Mom used to complain about laziness every now and then :D.

My relationship with the host family in general is different from that of most au pairs I have met here. I initially came with the idea and expectation of becoming part of a family. At least for the 9 months I would spend here. Unfortunately, this is not the case and my expectations were quite disappointed - especially in the beginning. My intention is not to speak badly about the family in any way! I think the age of the children plays a big role in this. They are not children in the sense that they need me as a reference person and they also have different topics. In addition, they are used to au pairs, so it is nothing new or special for them to have an additional person living in their house permanently - especially when this person is constantly replaced by a new one over the years. I mostly see my host parents in the evenings, as they work long hours and not every day, because I go to language school two evenings a week and I am out for 80% of the day on weekends. In addition, I am an introverted, reserved person and tend to withdraw quickly. The interaction with each other here is definitely always friendly, polite, and very professional. I have not had any disagreements about my tasks and I am very fortunate that the family handles it so professionally. Yet our relationship is rather distant, which was difficult for me at the beginning because I came from a completely different family situation. But now I can handle it well and appreciate my freedom - unlike other au pairs, for example, I never have to babysit on weekends. Nevertheless, it sometimes hurts a little to hear from other au pairs how involved they are in family life and how they sometimes go to events and go on vacation with their host families, etc... also, much more comes back from the children, who are much younger. Sometimes I find it difficult to criticize or set boundaries for the youngest one, as I believe the basis of the relationship is missing for that. Initially, I always wanted to cook or bake something with him on Fridays, but I quickly realized that the allure of the PlayStation is simply greater ;) - which I don't blame him for at all.

But to come back to the topic of 'freedom'... I have to admit that in the first few months, the mornings seemed very long to me and I couldn't handle this lack of structure very well. It may sound strange, but it was not easy for me to spend so much time alone with myself. I thought a lot and had plenty of time to feel homesick. But that's exactly what gives you the chance or almost forces you to grow personally and to get to know yourself better. But now I have built myself a daily routine that looks like this: I leave the house every day before 10 a.m. I still work in the nursing home on three mornings, where my tasks have also changed a lot in the past few weeks. But I will go into more detail about that later. On the other mornings, I have time to meet up with a friend from the neighboring village for a coffee and a walk by the sea or in the park, or to go to the gym.

For several weeks now, I have been helping out in the daycare area of the nursing home on Mondays. At first, I felt like I didn't really have a task there... but that once again showed me how important it is to simply give things time. For me, to get used to the new situation and the new faces, and for the people there to get to know me.

My current mission is to teach the residents a few German words and phrases, which everyone is really interested in. Some of the staff now greet me with "Good morning". One man had a lot of fun with it, as he traveled a lot during his time in the navy and can speak a few German phrases. Occasionally, he also tries to communicate with me in French - which unfortunately I cannot do. What I find most amusing is practicing words with a "ch" sound, as they find the pronunciation particularly difficult and usually only manage to produce an "sh" sound. In general, I find it very interesting to listen to their stories, for example how a man proposed to his wife during their first meeting and they are still happily married to this day.

On Tuesdays, I am still at the lodge where I have been helping since the beginning. It's so nice to see that the residents recognize me, which I can see in their faces as soon as I arrive. Recently, for example, I was sitting in the kitchen when the woman I am a "buddy" for started to beam as soon as she saw me - even though she had a bad morning and told everyone else that she hates the people and this place. In general, I notice that I am becoming more familiar to the people in this lodge. One of the women recently hugged me. At the beginning, she was so reserved that she wouldn't even speak to me.

Each person needs a different kind of care, and I find it easier and easier to respond to them in the right way - to make them feel safe, comfortable, and above all seen. I also notice when they are having a 'good' or 'bad' day, or sometimes even whole phases. One of the women there used to always be a bit grumpy or grouchy at the beginning and would quickly complain about various things. Lately, she has been making jokes more often, teasing other people, and you can tell how warm-hearted she actually is behind this 'facade'. Another woman, who is already quite advanced in her dementia and sometimes eats with her fingers or does other 'strange' things, occasionally has moments where she is almost 'there'. And these moments are so precious! She often talks nonsense, but she always notices that my hands are cold and wants to warm them up or says that she will get me gloves. She is often in her very own world and that's where you go with her. For example, it's not always easy to persuade her to come somewhere.. whether it's the living room, the kitchen, or the church. You can't talk to all residents in the same way or just take them by the hand and say, 'We are going there now' or even worse, 'Come with me'. In any case, I think I can assess the people quite well. I often find it easy to recognize their needs at that particular moment and then respond to them accordingly - and that feels very good to me.

I am more intensively involved with a woman I am a 'buddy' for. I also notice that I have become a kind of reference person for her and that she trusts me. I read letters from her family members or friends with her more often or we talk about her past hobbies. She told me that she used to enjoy painting, so we have already painted together, which she enjoyed very much.

Sometimes she also has a bad day and that is also respected. We were sitting in the living room watching a movie when everyone was supposed to be brought to eat: She didn't want to get up, so the food was brought to us in the living room and we continued watching Titanic together.

What I always enjoy on Tuesdays is the 'Fit for Life' program, which involves mobilizing the joints and muscles through various exercises with sticks or balls. It is particularly nice to observe the interaction between the residents here. They compliment each other, make jokes, tease each other, annoy each other, and occasionally have minor arguments. The whole range of emotions is present and they often remind me of children who need mediation in a dispute.

What's new is that since this week I have been playing tennis with some of the residents on Wednesdays. Since the temperatures here are currently anything but spring-like, the training has been moved indoors and we started with very simple exercises. There were about 10 residents and each had a person - whether a staff member, volunteer, or family member - responsible for them. My partner was a woman in the proud age of over 90, but she still swings the tennis racket as if she were 20 years younger. In the same room, there is also a table set up with tea and cookies, so everyone can take a short break (or a long one :D) in between. Anyway, I am very excited to finally try tennis in this way :).

Today is Sunday and a concert was held in a church in the neighboring village to raise funds. I offered to help with the preparations and with the residents who couldn't be taken there by family members. Various choirs performed, solo artists, and also the woman I know from the daycare area. She has been singing her whole life - in over 5 languages - and I find it impressive how she performed with such presence and vocal power at the age of 82.

The volunteer coordinator really makes an effort to constantly improve the conditions for us, to respond to our wishes, and to network us. For example, there was a volunteer meeting recently, which gave us the chance to get to know volunteers from other areas and to discuss situations in which we might be unsure about how to act best. For example, what do you say when a person points to the armrest of their chair and says that it is their father? Or when a woman sits next to you and tells you that she has a bad feeling and believes she was robbed? (that actually happened to me today)

To come to a conclusion after this novel.. I am very satisfied with the situation in my host family, especially since it gave me the opportunity to start volunteering. I think this experience is really helping me personally, also in terms of my professional perspective. Everything should apparently be as it is - even that last week I happened to FINALLY meet other au pairs who also live in Shankill since September... But if I had met them earlier, I probably wouldn't have had the desire to spend my mornings the way I do now. The nursing home has grown very dear to me and I realized that it is actually the best thing that has happened to me during my stay in Ireland so far.

I can't wait to finally introduce my family to my host family in a week and show them the nursing home and my favorite places here.

Best wishes and respect to everyone who made it this far :D

Hanna ❤️