March 2019 - Experience Report

Usually, you would expect a travel report at this point. However, it was not possible to go on a trip at the moment, so today there is an experience report instead. It is also worth reading, I promise.

The fact is, I'm flat on my back, but at least in an elevated position. My physiotherapist recommended it to me. He knows what he's talking about, as he is an expert. Even though he had a lot to complain about (mainly doctors), he was right. The elevated position is great.

My lower back muscles teleported me to the future in no time. To that of an elderly woman with weak joints. Sprinting for the tram: impossible! Walking faster to catch the tram: also impossible! Actual senior citizens overtake me effortlessly, even those carrying heavy shopping bags. Meanwhile, I walk hunched over and quite stiffly. And slowly!

My watch, which also demands some fitness from me, had no sympathy for me. It heartlessly displayed: "0 steps. Show more enthusiasm!" Well, thanks a lot.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BuvbiLKBLsb/?utm_source=ig_embed

I once saw on TV how teenagers were made to experience the burdens of old age by wearing heavy clothing and glasses that impaired their vision. I thought about it multiple times recently. Let me tell you, a proper back strain can accomplish the same thing. Suddenly, you feel at least 20 years older.

To make the experience even more interesting, you can combine it with something else. I also had a colonoscopy.

Of course, I didn't plan for that combination. The colonoscopy had been scheduled long before. You have to register for the fun months in advance. Generally, the practices of gastroenterologists are massively overcrowded, and grumpy (because overworked) nurses make it quite clear that you have no say in terms of the appointment or anything else. The examination is in high demand because it feels like every other person has something wrong with their stomach or intestines. And for those who have nothing, a preventive examination is recommended from the age of 55. So, everyone has to go at some point. It's also advisable, but still not pleasant. Although actually, the preparation is even worse than the examination itself.

Because the colon must be empty, you have to drink a laxative, which you slowly pour into yourself drop by drop. I'm serious when I say that the taste has surely been fine-tuned. However, you can't really taste it. The concoction is a salt solution that has been spiced up with gummy bear flavor. Unfortunately, the taste of salt is still present. And of course, the solution fulfills its purpose, and suddenly, the colon wants to release everything.

Now imagine having that and back pain at the same time. A dream come true. But I always made it to the right place on time. Now that the colonoscopy is over and the doctor had only good news, I just need to fix my back again.

Of course, I am aware that I don't actually have anything, and anyone who is really sick would consider the above description a piece of cake. That's why it's a special "experience" for me, with a twinkle in the eye. And of course, a travel report will be coming soon!