Lesson four: Getting married in South America

Weddings go well when:

1. The wedding dress is so extravagant that the bride gets stuck between the church pews while walking.

2. The wedding dress is so glittery that the bride can easily compete with the Marian figures.

3. The keyboard player (despite having an organ) simplifies the wedding march so much that it is barely recognizable.

4. The keyboard player sets either string orchestra, choir, or Hammond sound for a romantic touch. Almost not kitschy.

5. The keyboard player switches between these sounds every two beats.

6. The altar is no longer visible under all the flower decorations.

7. 90% of the flower decorations are made of plastic. The rest is tinsel and glitter.

8. The church remains open for worshipers and tourists, who take photos and talk loudly in the background.

9. Even the custodian points out that there is currently a wedding taking place and that the church is exclusively open.

10. The Mariachi band welcomes the bridal couple with very loud music in front of the church.

11. Meanwhile, the next wedding ceremony takes place with OPEN DOORS and double sound from the band and the aforementioned keyboard player.

12. Everything is as American as possible. Including the obligatory limousine.

13. The bride's hairstyle is no longer recognizable under rice and confetti. Really.

14. The groom resembles a Bond villain from the 60s.

15. When the bridesmaids' dresses are prettier (because simpler) than the bride's dress.

16. ... is this forced marriage? At 14?? Oh no, those are the confirmation girls.