The changing world

She's gone for a few months and discovered the world. Immersed in new cultures, seen many incredible things, and simply enjoyed life. But is that all? No. Somehow, a lot happens to me during that time.

Above all, emotions constantly go on a roller coaster ride, with the many experiences and challenges that constantly come my way. But I have learned how to deal with it. No place to stay for the night? No problem - something always turns up. Total chaos with flights and visas in the destination country? No problem - somehow you find your way through the jungle. Today everything is perfect and I enjoy a day at the beach, but the next day I have to pack my backpack again? Annoying - but it also means a new adventure awaits! During this time, I have managed so many things that I somehow learned to deal with this constant excitement. (Often I don't even book accommodation before I go to a new city, because something always turns up) I have learned to deal with the situations and not take everything so seriously. Not everything always has to be planned 100%. Actually, I would even say that I have always traveled completely without a plan, only with rough ideas. What I see in the destination countries and where I go, I always decide shortly before and mostly rely on the recommendations of others. This has also proven itself. The images on Google create expectations in your mind that rarely come true. So I always let them be.
But what does it do to me? To my inner self? To my psyche? I somehow discover myself again. I work through stories and events from the past, but I also realize what I want for the future, or what I don't want.

I have time. A lot of time. To think and philosophize, and often others have helped me, who have given me new ideas or have reflected on my problems/circumstances from a completely different perspective. The most exciting encounter in this regard was with Felix from Germany, with whom I traveled through Hawaii. It's really incredible how deeply he thinks as a man and how reflective he is. He is one of the few who really listened to me and questioned many things. He showed me his perspectives and tried to give me advice. But I also had moments like this with some other people. In any case, you get a chance to think on different levels, which you can't do at home in everyday stress. This routine in daily life guides thoughts in a certain way and doesn't allow you to think about certain things in the first place.

Past:

Processing and reflecting what has happened to you up to the point where you are now is often very difficult. When are you supposed to do that in everyday life anyway? And for what reason? Yeah, good question.. but what I brought up again during this time is incredible. Sometimes memories came up that seemed almost erased. Often this happened through experiences on my journey that were really super unconscious. For example, there have been three incredible events so far that left me speechless.

The first memory I had was in Bali. During a trip to a waterfall, a scooter drove past me playing loud music and selling ice cream. And out of nowhere, I had to remember how the ice cream man used to come by every Sunday at our weekend bungalow in Pinnow. It was so incredibly beautiful - as if I was 7 years old again and going to buy my ice cream. Such a beautiful memory that I haven't thought about in ages! And during a phone call with Josi, we could even sing along to the music. I can't describe how beautiful it was.

The second experience happened in Hawaii. I was at the beach and packed some muesli to snack on. While watching the waves, I bit into a walnut, whose flavor was really intense in that moment. This made me immediately remember my grandfather Richard, who unfortunately passed away many years ago. At his home, we always had walnut ice cream whenever we visited. Suddenly, thousands of memories came back to me. I thought about what a great time we had and had to smile to myself, it was so beautiful.

The third experience happened in Mexico City. I was staying in a room at Cesar's aunt's house, and it had many of those self-illuminating stars stuck to the ceiling. Josi and I also had those in our childhood room back then. So I remembered how and where I spent my first years of childhood. Together with Josi in the room right next to the kitchen. These memories are really faint because I was actually too young to still know that. As soon as I turned 5, we had our own rooms. Nevertheless, there are some vague memories of the nonsense we did together in that room, and it was so nice to have them in front of me again after such a long time.

And even when Mama showed me unknown childhood pictures of me, I couldn't hold back my emotions. She found an old film and developed the pictures from it. Somehow, it reminds you of the good times. Of childhood, when you experienced so many things, and I can proudly say that I had a really great childhood! I can only thank my parents for making all of that possible.

There were many other small memories like this that suddenly swirled around in my head again, and it's really nice to relive those times. Actually, I should write down each of these memories to think about them during bad moments and remember these beautiful things.

Present:

And on the same day that Mama showed me the pictures, I still had tears in my eyes later when I thought about it. But as I drove through Hawaii in the car, in the bright sunshine, it suddenly hit me like a bolt of lightning that I am now an adult. I'm probably already an adult, but when do you really know that yourself? After all, I always feel like the same Pauli. Only now I have a little more responsibility for myself. So now I'm an adult. That's scary - make it stop! I definitely have to do something about not becoming old and boring. And I always have to try to keep the child in me.

But it's not easy to consciously recognize the here and now while traveling. Most of the time, you think about what's in front of you and try to handle it all, or you have thoughts about the past in your head, as described earlier. But above all, thoughts about the last trips you took. You rarely notice that you are here, living life and enjoying it. Somehow, you only realize it afterwards. I should think about it more often and be aware of everything that is happening in my life right now! And above all, ENJOY it!

Future:

  

The future is always a difficult thing because it NEVER turns out the way you imagine it. I also learned that while traveling. But still, I think about how I imagine everything for myself later and where I eventually want to go. Especially when it comes to me, it's not that easy because I don't even know what to expect when I come back in terms of studies or training.

Yes, I have been thinking a lot about my future lately. Many of these thoughts are probably really useless, but why shouldn't I be allowed to daydream once in a while? It can be so beautiful! Or when was the last time you thought about something nice that should happen soon?

Thoughts about my little apartment come to mind, how I will spend my free time, how I plan to maintain my friendships, or how I intend to eventually have a little dachshund. How I will live, in general. These are daydreams that may eventually come true, naturally and effortlessly.

Above all, I see myself happy in the future, no matter what happens. In the past few weeks, I have learned so well what it means to be happy, to enjoy life, and to have fun! And it is simply my greatest wish to keep that. For my whole life. Even if I will probably have a routine and planned life at some point. But first, I have to take care of things at home, it's not that easy. Here I am alone and free, can always be happy, and can turn off my phone if necessary. I usually don't have mobile internet anyway. How to do that in everyday life at home is something I still have to find out. But first, I should make sure to eliminate everything that makes/made me unhappy from my life. I still have some time for that, and in the meantime, I can enjoy being overjoyed all by myself!

For me, this time out was also worthwhile in terms of having the time to think about what comes next. When I had the time, I often researched what study programs are available, and now I even found nutrition science in addition to my original desires to study psychology and dentistry. Something exciting with a future. I will apply and see how it goes. The future is uncertain, but I know: something will work out. And on travels, you can always go haha! (Mom and Dad probably won't be too happy to read that line :D)

Highs & Being Overjoyed

That is one of the most beautiful things that change when you're traveling for so long! You are incredibly often just overjoyed and couldn't imagine situations more perfect. I really feel like I'm living in a dream world then. But in general, everything is just good. A friend of mine always says that I forget about the problems of real life. But, I don't have any. I have no stress, no deadlines, no things to do. I have already sent out job applications and have to wait. The only problem is homesickness and the lows, which can be somewhat better controlled through contact with Germany. I still have to enjoy that because the problems will come back in masses soon enough.

Lows & Depression:

As perfect and beautiful as everything always seems on the outside, it is of course not always that way. There have been and are days when I am completely down, and they have had various reasons. Illnesses, for example, have always been a decisive factor. Because when you have to go to the doctor alone due to bacteria or parasites, with fever, dehydration, and headaches, you would rather be at home, where Mom or a friend would take care of you and ideally even accompany you to the doctor. I really wonder how I managed some situations because sometimes I felt really, really bad. In Hawaii, for example, on the second day, I had to drive alone to the doctor with a stranger's car on unfamiliar streets. The $250 doctor's bill didn't matter to me either. At times like that, you long to be at home, and then you find yourself in a low. But also missing out on experiences at home can put you in a low. At first, it was still okay, I managed things like Christmas and New Year's Eve well. But now towards the end, it's getting worse and worse. For certain reasons, my family is really coming together right now, and I feel so far away. That quickly puts you in a low and makes you want to go home. But also missing all the parties that my friends are now celebrating, all the birthdays, tournaments, and highlights in the lives of my loved ones can sometimes bring me down.

And sometimes these lows have actually been depression because suddenly you doubt everything and question so much. Did I lose time with my loved ones? Was it all selfish of me? I was often close to tears and already started crying as soon as I called my friends on FaceTime.

But then, as difficult as it sometimes is, I have to grit my teeth and tell myself that I damn well have to enjoy this time. I'm in paradise here and can't enjoy it because I want to be home instead? I don't want to know how many people would love to trade places with me right now and watch the hummingbirds sipping nectar from the hibiscus flowers here in the Caribbean. Everyday life will return soon enough, and then I will want to go back and have that great, carefree time again. I hope that I will also learn from this and change. That I will be able to deal with unpleasant situations and that bad days will pass and better ones will come again.

But it is important to listen to yourself and always make decisions that make you feel better. I don't have to torment myself with anything, but rather find out what I want and often that already makes me feel better in no time. Listen to yourself! That's what I've learned, and I hope not to forget it so quickly.

Homesickness

Yes, homesickness is also a constant companion. Sometimes it's worse, sometimes it's better. But it never completely goes away because somehow you want to sit at the dining table with your grandparents tomorrow at lunchtime, or meet up with your dearest friends for a coffee and chat for hours. Finally, to have familiar situations again and to spend time with people who know me. But even that changes me and my personality because now I realize what is important to me in life. What I have to work on more intensively so as not to regret anything later. Which friendships and relationships I have to maintain because they are important to me, and for which it's not worth it. And of course, I also notice what I don't miss and what I can therefore eliminate from my life.

My Body:

Of course, these many months do not pass by without a trace, because many things change outwardly as well. My biggest problem is my body and its weight. At home, I danced three times a week, and now? It's difficult to find a way to move somehow once a week. How should I? When there is no routine and especially hardly any opportunities to do sports joyfully. That really makes me unhappy. Mama says I exaggerate, as always. Maybe, but still, I feel uncomfortable, and that is the decisive factor and therefore one of the biggest cons of traveling.

At home, I always made an effort to look nice, even at temperatures of up to 38 degrees and 60% humidity. But that's out of the question here. There, the hair has to be tied up high so that you sweat less. (You can imagine how long my hair is when I haven't been to the hairdresser since October haha) And why should I even put on makeup?! So it can smudge? That doesn't make much sense either. So it's really a highlight when I finally apply my eyebrow pencil, and it's a sensation when I use mascara!! I can count the days when I wore makeup during my trip on one hand. Is this Pauli? I would really like to know that, I can't answer it myself. Now seriously, I'm looking forward to being home. Finally making myself look nice again and feeling better. The appointment with my nail lady is already scheduled. I'm looking forward to this everyday life: finally feeling comfortable in my own body again!

Family and friends are the most important:

For various reasons, my family has come together very closely in recent weeks, and it breaks my heart to be so far away from everyone. Although I have collected many new memories, I somehow missed out on time at home. I have so much to catch up on, and I promised myself that family always comes first. But I also miss my friends more than anything, and I'm incredibly excited to spend time with everyone again! The hours are now counted. After such a long time with great distance, it's time for that to change!

Final Thoughts:

Life is constantly changing. Personalities too. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that no one should complain about their life because it is only what you make of it. This also includes your personality because everyone can decide for themselves how they treat others. Just like you want to be treated, right? You should distance yourself from people with whom the chemistry simply doesn't work. I definitely learned that from meeting so many people, and it's not a bad thing; you just have to talk openly about it and make the decision without being angry with each other.

You don't need money for a happy life because often it's already the small, fundamental things that make us happy. Recognizing that is something you have to learn first. But while you read this, answer these questions for yourself: Who do you think of when I ask: who loves you for who you are? Who is always there for you, no matter what? Who can you do anything with? Who can you lean on when you're feeling down? Who can you have fun with? What do you do to distract yourself and have fun? What do you like to do in your free time/on vacation? Who do you think of and immediately start smiling?

All the answers to these questions are it. The key. To your happy life and why you are the way you are. You just have to recognize it and be able to appreciate it.

Anyway, I want to try to make something good out of my life and be happy. That's also somehow the meaning of life. Something that maybe wasn't so clear to me before my journey. Because it's not only work and wealth that fulfill your life. I took the first step and realized that.

The journey has made many things clear to me and will hopefully shape me and my basic thoughts about life for a long time. As the title suggests, the world is changing. My world, while I wander through the world. I reflect and become aware of new things.

If I notice that I'm back in the rat race and unhappy, I know the solution: pack your backpack and follow your heart!

In the end, I am and will remain the same Pauli that you all know. Maybe just a little wiser and more experienced than before my big journey.