Don Curry is waiting in line

Don Curry knows from bitter experience: If you want to visit tourist highlights of world-famous art in today's time, you have to expect two plagues - security checks and hordes of tourists. Both together lead to the even more unbearable symptom of waiting in line. Don Curry shudders at the memory of an almost traumatic experience from last year, when he wanted to visit the Palace of Versailles one more time. He stood in line for an hour in front of the ticket counter to get a ticket; and then he stood in line for over three hours to enter the palace with the ticket - thanks to the security checks!

When Don Curry arrived at the square of the Hermitage almost at opening time today, the waiting line had already grown to about 150 m. In front of the Hermitage dependance in the opposite General Staff Building, the line was only about 30 m long. Since Don Curry had already planned to visit this museum, he joined the line there. After about 40 minutes, he completed the traffic-causing security check, hurried to one of the numerous ticket counters, and found out that the museum was free today, saving him nearly 10 €.

In order to create this museum a few years ago, the General Staff Building was massively changed on the inside. The entire reception area on the ground floor appeared ultra-modern, with numerous monitors, projected signs, and a huge wide staircase to the exhibition area, which could also be used as seating for concerts. In deliberate contrast to this puristic modern design, some of the former rooms of the Tsarist Ministry of Finance and the Tsarist Ministry of Foreign Affairs were lovingly restored. The latter in particular would surely blind and intimidate a foreign envoy with their overflowing splendor.

Don Curry took the elevator straight up to the top floor, the 4th floor, to dedicate himself to the extensive collection of French and other Impressionists and their successors. He delightfully immersed himself in an unprecedented variety of little-known works by well-known masters: Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Cézanne, Gauguin, and many others. Until the 1990s, many of these works were considered lost because they were looted art from Germany. In the General Staff Building, they have now found a new home and can be presented to the entire art-loving world.

Don Curry was particularly impressed by a room that recreates the music room of Moscow art collector Ivan Morozov. The wealthy patron had ordered large-format paintings for the ceiling and all free wall surfaces from Parisian artist Maurice Denis in 1908. The artist delivered them the same year. Only since the opening of the new museum can this total work of art be experienced by the public.

Another part of the museum was dedicated to the art of the Tsarist period. In addition to magnificent paintings, a genuine Fabergé egg could be considered the absolute highlight of the exhibition.

After so much artistic enjoyment, Don Curry felt a desire for culinary enjoyment. Once again, the 'Lonely Planet' helped a lot, as it highly recommended the museum café. So Don Curry ordered a roast beef sandwich, the 'Wok with Chicken', and a Diet Coke at the counter. He was able to take everything except the wok dish and enjoy it. After finishing the generously topped sandwich, the wok bowl was soon placed in front of him, the content much more authentic than the pseudo-Japanese teppanyaki from yesterday's 'Eurasia' restaurant. Today, it featured soy-soaked noodles, spicy chicken, vegetables that were almost still crunchy, and even fresh coriander. Don Curry only missed a few cashews, but that's just his personal preference.

When Don Curry left the museum, satisfied multiple times like a fatty acid, it was raining again. He had already seen it from the windows before. After a short stop at the hotel, Don Curry got back in his car to drive to Pushkin. Today, Catherine had to open her palace for him!

He had set off to arrive around 4:00 pm, as recommended by the cashier yesterday. He arrived 40 minutes later, thanks to the traffic in St. Petersburg. Equipped with his blue Solovetsky rain cape, he went to the park entrance. When buying the obligatory parking ticket, the selling lady immediately mentioned that there were so many people today, he would have no chance of entering the palace. Gradually, the suspicion grew in Don Curry that the park cashiers generally discouraged visits to the palace in order to limit the waiting lines. Today, Don Curry didn't care, he courageously bought his parking ticket - to the displeasure of the saleswoman - and headed to the entrance of Tour I, which he favored. The line stretched almost to the sign '4 hours waiting time from here'.

Don Curry saw this chance as hopeless because in 2 hours, the ticket counters in the palace would close. So he went to the entrance of Tour II. The line here was not nearly as long, and Don Curry allowed himself an unfair trick. It had been raining the whole time. Under the protection of unfamiliar umbrellas, Don Curry simply joined a group that was only about 10 m away from the admission to Tour II. Due to the limited visibility caused by the umbrellas, nobody noticed, but Don Curry would soon feel the punishment for his behavior. He ended up in a group consisting of loud Chinese people. Everyone was talking to everyone else, with a raised volume to drown out the others. Physical contact was not a problem for these contemporaries, and pushing was certainly not a problem either. Several times, Don Curry had to quickly turn his head to avoid getting poked in the eye by suddenly moving umbrellas. At some point, two Chinese people got into such a heated argument that their aggressive yelling even worried the stoic Russian museum guards who had to guard the access to the palace. Every now and then, they let a few tourists through, and gradually, Don Curry approached his goal.

The Chinese people seemed to come from the south of their country, as they clearly suffered from the cold of this day. Little by little, small groups of Asians bid farewell, so Don Curry moved closer and closer to the front. He had already spent 90 minutes in pouring rain, in involuntary physical contact with his neighbors, and in the thunderous volume of the surrounding Chinese people when he finally stood right at the barricade. The Chinese people gradually noticed him, admired his towering height, and spoke to him. But his Chinese skills went no further than the word for 'Thank you', so he asked if they spoke English. An older Chinese woman answered that she spoke English. She asked him where he came from, what he wanted here - and above all, if he could understand the guards. No, Don Curry had to admit, he could not understand those purely Russian-speaking fellows either.

But shortly afterwards, one of the museum guards made very clear signs: nobody else would be allowed in, the palace was fully booked. Don Curry felt frustration and anger welling up in him. After this extremely taxing waiting line, just a failure? The Chinese people scattered, and Don Curry followed. They hurried to the entrance of Tour I. Here, the line had already been reduced to 10 m. And so Don Curry found himself once again united with 'his' Chinese people, ready to use or lose the very last chance - until the bitter end.

At 6:40 pm, 5 minutes before closing time, the door to the palace opened for all those still waiting. Don Curry immediately rushed to the ticket counter and got his admission ticket to the Catherine Palace for 1000 rubles (= 14 €). He quickly wanted to get an audio guide to understand at least something of the tour. The young man at the audio guide counter explained that he had to buy an audio guide ticket at the ticket counter. So Don Curry quickly moved back, ordered an audio guide ticket, and the cashier nodded and showed him a note that said in English and Russian, 'All audio guides are dead!' Don Curry understood: a tour with an audio guide could be too time-consuming, the last tourists had to be rushed through the palace. However, he definitely wanted to get rid of his dripping Solovetsky cape and his also quite damp jacket, so he left them at the cloakroom and joined the long line for ticket control. For some time, he actually formed the end of the line and already felt like the last tourist of the day. But then, other groups arrived and pushed him further forward.

So Don Curry ended up in the familiar group of Chinese people again, received many smiles, and had to experience that the guard in front of the ticket control checked the jackets of the Chinese people for moisture and sent almost all of them back to the cloakroom. Then he spotted the towering Don Curry in the small group, checked his ticket, and let him into the palace. Don Curry eagerly ascended the stairs of the Chinese staircase when he noticed that all the other tourists were wearing plastic shoe covers. So he turned around, found the box with the covers, put them on, and hurried back to the staircase where he met the familiar Chinese people again, with whom he now continued through the palace. One particularly small man insisted on having his picture taken with him in the Hall of Mirrors, where his wife probably had to set the camera to wide-angle due to the height difference.

Don Curry was convinced by the greatness and decadent splendor of the palace. Of course, the Amber Room fascinated him the most, where two strict attendants thwarted any attempts to take photos. In all other rooms, at least photography without flash was allowed, which not only the Chinese people, but also Don Curry took advantage of.

After a well-known lengthy return journey, Don Curry no longer felt like going to any restaurant in the still active rain, he simply stayed in the hotel, which operates a café-restaurant on the 5th floor with a grand view of the disfigured Church of the Resurrection. Here, he ordered a Siberian fish soup that not only contained plenty of pieces of fish, but also vodka, and afterwards, he had a chicken Kiev-style, filled with herb butter and heavily breaded, accompanied by actual Russian beer from St. Petersburg: Baltika 7.

There was one thing Don Curry was glad about: today there were no more waiting lines, neither in the restaurant, nor in front of his room, nor in front of his bed. A wonderful thought...